Funny Fathers Day Quotes - Page 2

• The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

  Timothy J. Russert

  Family, Fathers Day, Dad

  19 Copy quote

• My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

  Spike Milligan

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  29 Copy quote

• It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.

  Friedrich Schiller

  Family, Thank You, Fathers Day

  39 Copy quote

• If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

  Michael Showalter

  Mom, Fathers Day, Dad

  11 Copy quote

• My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

  Clarence Budington Kelland

  Life, Fathers Day, Children

  82 Copy quote

• Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.

  Dave Barry

  Dad, Naps, Want

  Twitter post from Jun 21, 2009

  6 Copy quote

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• Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father.

  Lydia M. Child

  Family, Fathers Day, Children

  23 Copy quote

• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  46 Copy quote

• My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

  Spike Milligan

  Fathers Day, Jesus, Confused

  49 Copy quote

• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  Robert Orben

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.108, Doubleday

  9 Copy quote

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• A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

  Enid Bagnold

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Baby

  52 Copy quote

• There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Family, Children

  20 Copy quote

• It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Mothers Day, Mom, Daughter

  "Animal Dreams". Book by Barbara Kingsolver, September 1990.

  23 Copy quote

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• Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

  David Letterman

  Father, Alcohol, Tools

  6 Copy quote

• My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

  Bob Odenkirk

  Sarcastic, Daughter, Dad

  52 Copy quote

• You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Father, Years, Style

  6 Copy quote

• I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.

  Ann Richards

  Fathers Day, Dad, College

  10 Copy quote

• The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

  Confucius

  Fathers Day, Dad, Children

  40 Copy quote

• Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

  Gloria Naylor

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Dad

  Gloria Naylor (2017). “Mama Day: A Novel”, p.185, Open Road Media

  30 Copy quote

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• Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

  Jimmy Piersall

  Inspirational, Baseball, Fathers Day

  20 Copy quote

• Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development.

  David Gottesman

  Daughter, Fathers Day, Mother

  86 Copy quote

• I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Motivational, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  52 Copy quote

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• A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  Helen Rowland (1909). “Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”

  16 Copy quote

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• The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

  Harry S. Truman

  Funny, Leadership, Witty

  Television interview by Edward R. Murrow, CBS, 27 May 1955

  53 Copy quote

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• The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a Democrat.

  Robert Frost

  Family, Mom, Fathers Day

  Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

  24 Copy quote

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