Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?
Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
I'm Liberace without a piano.
Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?
A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.
I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.
My body may have been abused, but it certainly hasn't been neglected.
When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.
I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.
I laughed all the way through Love Story.
If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.
As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I've used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you're exhausted
Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.
I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.
I'm used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I'd make a terrible husband anyway.
If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.
Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.
Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.
The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.
A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.
I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.
My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.
The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.
Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.
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