Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.
How can a man marry wisely in his twenties? The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born.
Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.
Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.
People will disapprove of you if you're unhappy, or if you're happy in The Wrong Way.
Always live up to your standards — by lowering them, if necessary.
Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between.
How strange that the young should always think the world is against them - when in fact that is the only time it is for them.
Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.
Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.
Women are good listeners, but it's a waste of time telling your troubles to a man unless there's something specific you want him to do.
The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone.
We often pray to be better, when in truth we only want to feel better.
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.
One of life's few really reliable pleasures: to have a family you love, and to leave them for a week.
Every creature stalks some other, catches it, and is caught.
There's nothing wrong with most men's egos that the kowtowing of a headwaiter can't cure.
Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.
Few of us could bear to have ourselves for neighbors.
When we discuss those we love with those who do not love them, the end of love is near.
God and the devil lose to a common enemy: inertia.
I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.
The plague of government is senile delinquency.
It is always safe to tell people that they're looking wonderful.
The proud man can learn humility, but he will be proud of it.
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