The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.
Life marks us all down, so it's just as well that we start out by overpricing ourselves.
If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else.
Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.
Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.
Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.
Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.
How strange that the young should always think the world is against them - when in fact that is the only time it is for them.
Women are good listeners, but it's a waste of time telling your troubles to a man unless there's something specific you want him to do.
Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between.
Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.
The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone.
We often pray to be better, when in truth we only want to feel better.
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.
God and the devil lose to a common enemy: inertia.
When we discuss those we love with those who do not love them, the end of love is near.
Every creature stalks some other, catches it, and is caught.
Few of us could bear to have ourselves for neighbors.
I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.
One of life's few really reliable pleasures: to have a family you love, and to leave them for a week.
Women flirt to keep their stock high, men to get somewhere.
There's nothing wrong with most men's egos that the kowtowing of a headwaiter can't cure.
Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.
The plague of government is senile delinquency.
Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.
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