Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up
The second mouse gets the cheese!
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Nixon's motto was, if two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him puts a blindfold over his eyes so that he does not see his defects but considers them signs of charm and intelligence and recounts them to his friends as if they were clever and witty.
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