Dating Quotes - Page 34

• I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.

  Daniel Tosh

  Red Flags, Bigs, China

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• Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

  Christopher Titus

  Crazy, Night, Bed

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• My mom was a manic depressive schizophrenic who, after a year in prison, went home and shot herself. My sister, Kirsten, an amazing poet, who was raised by this woman, and was dating a guy who broke up with her for the fourth time in three weeks. And one day, she came to his house, got a gun, and blew her brains out all over his headboard. I just went through a divorce, five years in court and cost me $2 million dollars. If anyone, by law, should be forced to take antidepressants it's me... But instead, I choose to be an antidepressant. And you can take me with alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Home, Divorce

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.

  Eugene Mirman

  Girl, Animal, Rude

  13 Copy quote

• I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that's like runs batted in.

  Arj Barker

  Running, Believe, Home

  12 Copy quote

• Dating is horrible, it's awful. I don't get it. It's like you're standing there: 'Hi. Do you want to have sex and later wish you hadn't?' It's horrible. And it's awkward at 42 because I don't have the body or the drive. I just sit in the car and hope somebody gets in.

  Louis C. K.

  Sex, Car, Awkward

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.

  Dana Gould

  Four, Months, Costumes

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• In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

  Dana Gould

  Men, Land, Blind

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• My standup has always been a direct reflection of my life. When I was single, I talked about single stuff. I talked about dating. When I got married there were only a handful of stories I could move over to where I wasn't going to be disrespectful to my wife. So I developed a new routine.

  Henry Cho

  Moving, Reflection, Wife

  4 Copy quote

• Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

  Dov Davidoff

  Girl, White, Black

  FaceBook post by Dov Davidoff from Jun 19, 2011

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• A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

  Dov Davidoff

  Girlfriend, People, Miserable

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• The latest numbers we have for March 2017, they showed that March was the fourth warmest month that we have records on, dating back to the 1880s, and the warmest month in a non-El Niño period. That is to say, we're kind of in a permanent El Niño now. The temperature is always elevated. March saw record lows for the date in global sea ice. That's really, really scary. We are melting some of the biggest physical features on our earth.

  Donald Trump

  Scary, Earth, March

  Source: www.truth-out.org

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• If you want me to be straight, gay, into monkeys, dating Kylie, whatever, I'm happy for people to project whatever onto me!

  Darren Hayes

  Gay, People, Want

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• The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one.

  Terry Pratchett

  Romance, Female, Students

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• When you're dating, abstinence is a greater expression of love than making love, because you're doing what's best for your beloved, not just what feels good in the moment.

  Jason Evert

  Love Is, Expression, Feel Good

  19 Copy quote

• The tabloid that said that I dressed up as a medieval, like a sexy medieval something and that upset me more than the dating rumors that have been circling around that were fake. If somebody thinks I'm going to dress sexy to a costume party, they have another thing coming.

  Jennifer Lawrence

  Sexy, Party, Thinking

  "Jennifer Lawrence on Career, Being Star-Struck and a Homebody: 'I Just Have a Very Weird Job'" by Chris Connelly, Brandon Baur, abcnews.go.com. February 11, 2013.

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• We all prospect, and don't even know we're doing it. When you start the dating process, you are actually prospecting for the person you want to marry. When you're interviewing employees, you are prospecting for someone who will best fit your needs.

  Zig Ziglar

  Needs, Want, Fit

  16 Copy quote

• I can say I'm a relationship person, and I like relationships. I think I also like relationships because then you don't have to date because dating is horrible.

  Greta Gerwig

  Thinking, Horrible, Persons

  Source: collider.com

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• A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Thinking, Up North, Weather

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• What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big. That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Sorry, Thinking, Long

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• I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Night, Phones

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• I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Parent, Buffalo

  8 Copy quote

• If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

  Dane Cook

  Want, Far Away, Persons

  4 Copy quote

• Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

  Dane Cook

  Numbers, Guy, Should

  Twitter post from Jun 28, 2013

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• The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit.

  Dane Cook

  Color, Car, Problem

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