Funny Birthday Card Quotes

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Steven Wright

Funny, Birthday, Humor

"Happy Birthday to You" by Don Meyer, Ph.D., www.huffingtonpost.com. October 1, 2013.

110 Copy quote

Show source
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

Maurice Chevalier

Funny, Birthday, Health

Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

36 Copy quote

Show source
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Dorothy Parker

Birthday, Age, May

184 Copy quote
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Bob Hope

Birthday, Witty, Funny Inspirational

34 Copy quote
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

Tom Wilson

Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Wisdom

33 Copy quote
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

Oscar Wilde

Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

"Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

96 Copy quote

Show source
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Jerry Seinfeld

Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Blow

16 Copy quote
Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

Helen Hayes

Birthday, Age, Important

20 Copy quote
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Ogden Nash

Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

"Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

54 Copy quote

Show source
With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

William Shakespeare

Birthday, Happiness, Being Happy

1596-7 Graziano toAntonio.TheMerchant ofVenice, act1, sc.1, l.79-80.

77 Copy quote

Show source
There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.

Lewis Carroll

Birthday, Hypocrisy, Four

Adrian Mitchell, Lewis Carroll (2001). “Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass”, Oberon Books Limited

16 Copy quote

Show source
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Erma Bombeck

Birthday, Marriage, Husband

Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.135, Open Road Media

9 Copy quote

Show source
They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

Malcolm Cowley

Birthday, Missing You, Mind

Malcolm Cowley (1982). “The view from 80”, Penguin Books, 1982

17 Copy quote

Show source
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Lucille Ball

Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Birthday

184 Copy quote
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Chili Davis

Love, Happy Birthday, Happiness

112 Copy quote
Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.

Coco Chanel

Funny, Birthday, Beauty

34 Copy quote
Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.

Lucy Larcom

Inspirational, Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday

LUCY LARCOM (1869). “POEMS”, p.179

53 Copy quote

Show source
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

645 Copy quote
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

George Bernard Shaw

Funny, Happy Birthday, Family

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

71 Copy quote

Show source
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Robert Frost

Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

145 Copy quote
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

Funny, Happy Birthday, Humorous

Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

81 Copy quote

Show source
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Birthday, Congratulations, Age

163 Copy quote
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Theodore Roosevelt

Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Congratulations

Theodore Roosevelt (2015). “Theodore Roosevelt on Bravery: Lessons from the Most Courageous Leader of the Twentieth Century”, p.7, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

78 Copy quote

Show source
The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.

Pope Paul VI

Birthday, Age, Tunes

29 Copy quote
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.

Jean Paul

Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Time

11 Copy quote