Funny Clever Quotes

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  I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  FaceBook post by Maya Angelou from Mar 15, 2014

  2715 Copy quote

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• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  687 Copy quote

• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Cute, Sarcastic

  55 Copy quote

• I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Clever, Hipster

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.153, Wordsworth Editions

  528 Copy quote

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• Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  610 Copy quote

• Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

  Will Rogers

  Inspirational, Life, Positive

  181 Copy quote

• I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Death: A Comedy in One Act". Book by Woody Allen, 1975.

  134 Copy quote

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• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

  Harry S. Truman

  Witty, Business, Silly

  Harry S. Truman, Steve Neal (2003). “Miracle of Forty-eight”, p.139, SIU Press

  41 Copy quote

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• When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

  Cathy Guisewite

  Eye, Giving, If Life Gives You Lemons

  63 Copy quote

• Tough times never last, but tough people do.

  Robert H. Schuller

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  Robert H. Schuller (1993). “Robert H Schuller: The Inspirational Writings : Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do/Tough Minded Faith for Tender Hearted People”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

  160 Copy quote

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• If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Witty, Revenge

  Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

  31 Copy quote

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• People will never forget how you made them feel.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  Maya Angelou (2014). “Rainbow in the Cloud: The Wisdom and Spirit of Maya Angelou”, p.37, Random House

  134 Copy quote

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• Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  Benjamin Franklin, William Temple Franklin (1819). “The Posthumous and Other Writings of Benjamin Franklin ...”, p.290

  291 Copy quote

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• The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspiring, Leadership, Education

  8 Copy quote

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  1012 Copy quote

• He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up

  Paul Keating

  Running, Witty, Clever

  46 Copy quote

• Nixon's motto was, if two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Norman Cousins

  Math, Two, Personality

  1979 In the Daily Telegraph, 17 Jul.

  9 Copy quote

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• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  67 Copy quote

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• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  53 Copy quote

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• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

  69 Copy quote

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• Two wrongs don't make a right.

  Roald Dahl

  Revenge, Humorous, Math

  Roald Dahl (2016). “The GFG: The Guid Freendly Giant: The BFG in Scots”, p.145, Black & White Publishing

  25 Copy quote

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• The second mouse gets the cheese!

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Witty, Iron

  17 Copy quote

• A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Life, Wise

  Twitter post from Oct 30, 2009

  38 Copy quote

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• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

  Albert Einstein

  Funny, Girl, Witty

  "News Chronicle" (March 14, 1949), as cited by "The Columbia World of Quotations", 1996.

  29 Copy quote

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• If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.

  Harry S. Truman

  Funny, Hilarious, Dog

  "The Wit & Wisdom of Harry Truman".

  61 Copy quote

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