Funny Dog Quotes

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

Dave Barry

Dog, Animal, Car

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.118, Crown Archetype

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Whoever said you can't buy Happiness forgot little puppies.

Gene Hill

Dog, Nature, Silly

Gene Hill (2013). “A Hunter's Fireside Book: Tales of Dogs, Ducks, Birds, & Guns”, p.62, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Charles M. Schulz

Hope, Dog, Yesterday

10 Copy quote
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Lewis Grizzard

Leadership, Dog, Race

1182 Copy quote
People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

August Strindberg

Funny, Dog, Humor

25 Copy quote
Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

Anne Tyler

Funny, Dog, Mean

Anne Tyler (1991). “Anne Tyler: a new collection : three complete novels”, Outlet

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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Fran Lebowitz

Dog, Silly, Animal

Fran Lebowitz (1994). “The Fran Lebowitz Reader”, Vintage

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If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.

Karel Capek

Funny, Dog, People

66 Copy quote
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

Josh Billings

Inspirational, Funny, Dog

Josh Billings (1972). “Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day”

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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

Funny, Friendship, Education

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Andy Rooney

Inspirational, Funny, Dog

195 Copy quote
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Mark Twain

Funny, Inspiring, Thankful

Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 16, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Mark Twain

Funny, Cute, God

Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.9262, Delphi Classics

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I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.

Gilda Radner

Dog, Unconditional Love, Animal

Gilda Radner (2015). “It's Always Something”, p.6, Simon and Schuster

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To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

Aldous Huxley

Dog, Animal, Men

Readers Digest, 1934.

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When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

Edward Abbey

Friendship, Dog, Silly

Edward Abbey (2015). “A Voice Crying in the Wilderness”, p.54, RosettaBooks

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The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.

Johnny Depp

Love, Dog, Baby

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Josh Billings

Love, Friendship, Dog

197 Copy quote
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

Dog, Perseverance, Lying

Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

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Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Robert Benchley

Dog, Children, Pet

Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Robert A. Heinlein

Love, Inspirational, Funny

"Time Enough for Love". Book by Robert A. Heinlein, 1973.

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If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.

Woodrow Wilson

Inspiring, Dog, Silly

144 Copy quote
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Will Rogers

Cute, Death, Loyalty

111 Copy quote
It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?

Eleanor Porter

Dog, Cat, Pet

Eleanor Porter (2003). “Pollyanna”, ePenguin

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If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Edmund Wilson

Change, Dog, Poodles

21 Copy quote