Funny Dog Quotes

• Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

  Dave Barry

  Dog, Animal, Car

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.118, Crown Archetype

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• Whoever said you can't buy Happiness forgot little puppies.

  Gene Hill

  Dog, Nature, Silly

  Gene Hill (2013). “A Hunter's Fireside Book: Tales of Dogs, Ducks, Birds, & Guns”, p.62, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Hope, Dog, Yesterday

  10 Copy quote

• Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Leadership, Dog, Race

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  Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

  Anne Tyler

  Funny, Dog, Mean

  Anne Tyler (1991). “Anne Tyler: a new collection : three complete novels”, Outlet

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• If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.

  Karel Capek

  Funny, Dog, People

  66 Copy quote

• People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

  August Strindberg

  Funny, Dog, Humor

  26 Copy quote

• If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Dog, Silly, Animal

  Fran Lebowitz (1994). “The Fran Lebowitz Reader”, Vintage

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• To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

  Aldous Huxley

  Dog, Animal, Men

  Readers Digest, 1934.

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• I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.

  Gilda Radner

  Dog, Unconditional Love, Animal

  Gilda Radner (2015). “It's Always Something”, p.6, Simon and Schuster

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• When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

  Edward Abbey

  Friendship, Dog, Silly

  Edward Abbey (2015). “A Voice Crying in the Wilderness”, p.54, RosettaBooks

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  Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Cute, God

  Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.9262, Delphi Classics

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• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  147 Copy quote

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• If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Inspiring, Thankful

  Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 16, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

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• Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  "Time Enough for Love". Book by Robert A. Heinlein, 1973.

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  The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

  Andy Rooney

  Inspirational, Funny, Dog

  205 Copy quote

• Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

  Robert Benchley

  Dog, Children, Pet

  Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

  37 Copy quote

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• A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

  Robert Benchley

  Dog, Perseverance, Lying

  Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

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• A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

  Josh Billings

  Love, Friendship, Dog

  202 Copy quote

• Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

  Josh Billings

  Inspirational, Funny, Dog

  Josh Billings (1972). “Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day”

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  The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.

  Johnny Depp

  Love, Dog, Baby

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  109 Copy quote

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  If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.

  Woodrow Wilson

  Inspiring, Dog, Silly

  144 Copy quote

• There are three faithful friends - an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Friendship, Dog, Money

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

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• Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.

  Alexander Pope

  Loyalty, Dog, Silly

  Alexander Pope (1737). “Letters of Mr. Alexander Pope: And Several of His Friends”, p.53

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• The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

  Charles de Gaulle

  Funny Love, Dog, Men

  49 Copy quote