Funny Fathers Day Quotes - Page 2

• One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

  George Herbert

  Relationship, Daughter, Fathers Day

  George Herbert (1836). “The works of George Herbert. containing Parentalia, the 2nd copy wanting the 1st sheet of vol.2].”, p.168

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• My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

  Spike Milligan

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

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• It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.

  Friedrich Schiller

  Family, Thank You, Fathers Day

  39 Copy quote

• If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

  Michael Showalter

  Mom, Fathers Day, Dad

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• My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

  Clarence Budington Kelland

  Life, Fathers Day, Children

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• Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.

  Dave Barry

  Dad, Naps, Want

  Twitter post from Jun 21, 2009

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• Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father.

  Lydia M. Child

  Family, Fathers Day, Children

  26 Copy quote

• My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

  Spike Milligan

  Fathers Day, Jesus, Confused

  57 Copy quote

• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

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• A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

  Enid Bagnold

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Baby

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• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  Robert Orben

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.108, Doubleday

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• Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

  David Letterman

  Father, Alcohol, Tools

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• It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Mothers Day, Mom, Daughter

  "Animal Dreams". Book by Barbara Kingsolver, September 1990.

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• There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Family, Children

  20 Copy quote

• My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

  Bob Odenkirk

  Sarcastic, Daughter, Dad

  52 Copy quote

• The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

  Confucius

  Fathers Day, Dad, Children

  43 Copy quote

• Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

  Jimmy Piersall

  Inspirational, Baseball, Fathers Day

  20 Copy quote

• Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

  Gloria Naylor

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Dad

  Gloria Naylor (2017). “Mama Day: A Novel”, p.185, Open Road Media

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• The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

  Harry S. Truman

  Funny, Leadership, Witty

  Television interview by Edward R. Murrow, CBS, 27 May 1955

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• You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Father, Years, Style

  7 Copy quote

• I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Motivational, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  Helen Rowland (1909). “Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”

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• Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development.

  David Gottesman

  Daughter, Fathers Day, Mother

  86 Copy quote

• I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.

  Ann Richards

  Fathers Day, Dad, College

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• You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

  Robert Frost

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

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