I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.
Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.
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