Funny Merry Christmas Quotes

• I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  Christmas, Sweet, Xmas

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, J. D. McClatchy (2000). “Poems and Other Writings”, p.475, Library of America

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• To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Children

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• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  Love, Christmas, Xmas

  Hamilton Wright Mabie (1900). “My study fire: first series”

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• One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.

  J. K. Rowling

  Family, Christmas, Book

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• Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection.

  Winston Churchill

  Christmas, Reflection, Rejoice

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• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

  Andy Rooney

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• One can never have enough socks

  J. K. Rowling

  Christmas, Enough, Funny Christmas

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• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

  Bill Vaughan

  Inspirational, Family, Happy

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• Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

  Kin Hubbard

  Christmas, Children, Mean

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• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

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• Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Grateful, Thank You God

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• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Xmas, Past

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• Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Tolerance

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• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

  Publilius Syrus

  Funny Christmas, Women, Believe

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• Christmas is the day that holds all time together.

  Alexander Smith

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Gratitude, Children

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• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Christmas, Sarcastic

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• Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

  Calvin Coolidge

  Christmas, Xmas, Real

  "Chicken soup for the soul Christmas treasury for kids" by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen, Irene Dunlap, HCI, (p. 1), 2002.

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• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christmas, Girl

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• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Christmas, Education

  A Christmas Carol stave 4 (1843)

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• What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Jobs, Xmas

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• Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.

  Dale Evans

  Love, Marriage, Christmas

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• Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

  Kin Hubbard

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

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