Funny Merry Christmas Quotes

• I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  Christmas, Sweet, Xmas

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, J. D. McClatchy (2000). “Poems and Other Writings”, p.475, Library of America

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• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

  Publilius Syrus

  Funny Christmas, Women, Believe

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• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

  Dave Barry

  Christmas, Religious, Holiday

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• A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

  Garrison Keillor

  Love, Funny, Christmas

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection.

  Winston Churchill

  Christmas, Reflection, Rejoice

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• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

  Norman Vincent Peale

  Love, Positive, Christmas

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• Christmas is the day that holds all time together.

  Alexander Smith

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

  Bill Vaughan

  Inspirational, Family, Happy

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• Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

  Kin Hubbard

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

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• Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.

  Dale Evans

  Love, Marriage, Christmas

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• What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Jobs, Xmas

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• There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  Erma Bombeck

  Christmas, Spiritual, Morning

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.260, Open Road Media

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• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Christmas, Sarcastic

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• When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Gratitude, Children

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• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Christmas, Education

  A Christmas Carol stave 4 (1843)

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• One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.

  J. K. Rowling

  Family, Christmas, Book

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• Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.

  Richard Lamm

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

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• Christ was born in the first century, yet he belongs to all centuries. He was born a Jew, yet He belongs to all races. He was born in Bethlehem, yet He belongs to all countries.

  George W Truett

  Christmas, Country, Race

  "Who Said That?: More than 2,500 Usable Quotes and Illustrations". Book by George Sweeting, p. 101, 1995.

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• Don't let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.

  Taylor Caldwell

  Christmas, Holiday, Past

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• A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!

  Charles Dickens

  Christmas, New Year, Years

  "Dickens' Christmas Spirits: A Christmas Carol and Other Tales".

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• Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

  Andy Borowitz

  Baby, Funny Christmas, Cute Christmas

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Nov 27, 2012

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• Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Christmas, Money

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.136, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• Heap on more wood! - the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still.

  Walter Scott

  Christmas, Wind, Woods

  Walter Scott (1810). “Marmion: A Tale of Flodden Field”, p.133

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