Funny Parent Quotes

• You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Family, Children, Growing Up

  11 Copy quote

• The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.

  King Edward VIII

  Children, Parenting, America

  Look 5 Mar. 1957

  15 Copy quote

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• If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.

  Bette Davis

  Mom, Mother, Children

  126 Copy quote

• Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

  Mark Twain

  Children, Effort, Parent

  11 Copy quote

• Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

  Doug Larson

  Inspirational, Funny, Children

  34 Copy quote

• Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

  Ed Asner

  Funny, Thank You, Kids

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  76 Copy quote

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• You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

  Franklin P. Adams

  Patience, Baby, Funny Inspirational

  62 Copy quote
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  Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

  Robert Fulghum

  Marriage, Mother, Children

  "Reflections for Tending the Sacred Garden". Book by Bonita Jean Zimmer (p. 182), April 2003.

  166 Copy quote

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• Your children need your presence more than your presents.

  Jesse Jackson

  Inspirational, Birthday, Family

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  87 Copy quote

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• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

  88 Copy quote

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• Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

  Charles R. Swindoll

  Family, Friday, Mother

  "Creating Fond Memories With Our Children" by Dr. Hyder Zahed, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 15, 2014.

  191 Copy quote

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• A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  43 Copy quote

• No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

  Bill Cosby

  Family, Kids, Parenting

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

  36 Copy quote

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• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  62 Copy quote

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• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Family

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2010

  16 Copy quote

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• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

  66 Copy quote

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• All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Inspirational, Children, Parenting

  40 Copy quote
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  If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  245 Copy quote

• There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Fathers Day, Song, Children

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

  26 Copy quote

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• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

  Calvin Trillin

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  49 Copy quote

• A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Children, Parent, Monsters

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.40, BookBaby

  8 Copy quote

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• Simply having children does not make mothers.

  John G. Shedd

  Family, Mother, Children

  35 Copy quote

• Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

  Jon Stewart

  Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

  "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", January 29, 2009.

  20 Copy quote

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• The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.

  Benjamin Spock

  Children, Dad, Parenting

  Benjamin Spock, M.D. (2012). “Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 9th Edition”, p.580, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  39 Copy quote

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• Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.

  Robert Breault

  Parent, Funny Mothers Day, Passing

  7 Copy quote