You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.
If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
Your children need your presence more than your presents.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.
Simply having children does not make mothers.
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.
Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.
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