Funny Parenting Quotes - Page 3

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

Oscar Wilde

Funny, Family, Sarcastic

The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895)

32 Copy quote

Show source
You see much more of your children once they leave home.

Lucille Ball

Funny, Witty, Children

"The Last Word" by Carolyn Warner, (Ch. 16), 1992.

11 Copy quote

Show source
Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind.

Queen Rania of Jordan

Dream, Gratitude, Laughter

38 Copy quote
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

Erma Bombeck

Funny, Family, Children

24 Copy quote
Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.

Mignon McLaughlin

Mom, Baby, Parent

Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.39, BookBaby

8 Copy quote

Show source
Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.

P. J. O'Rourke

Inspirational, Mom, Baby

10 Copy quote
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Dave Barry

Children, Believe, College

Dave Barry (2013). “My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old: and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry”, p.85, Andrews McMeel Publishing

55 Copy quote

Show source
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Erma Bombeck

Running, Dog, Children

9 Copy quote
There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

George Bernard Shaw

Funny, Mother, Children

7 Copy quote
If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.I would care to know less, and know to care more.I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.I'd teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

Diana Loomans

Running, Stars, Children

65 Copy quote
Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.

Robert A. Heinlein

Life, Education, Children

53 Copy quote
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Woody Allen

Funny, Humor, Parenting

57 Copy quote
You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

Robert Frost

Family, Fathers Day, Mother

Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

16 Copy quote

Show source
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

William Feather

Mothers Day, Mom, Children

William Feather (1949). “The Business of Life”

9 Copy quote

Show source
Children always assume the sexual lives of their parents come to a grinding halt at their conception.

Alan Bennett

Children, Parent, Assuming

Alan Bennett (2008). “Alan Bennett Plays 1: Forty Years On, Getting On, Habeas Corpus and Enjoy”, p.82, Faber & Faber

8 Copy quote

Show source
Simply having children does not make mothers.

John G. Shedd

Family, Mother, Children

35 Copy quote
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. Your children need your presence more than your presents.

Jesse Jackson

Family, Children, Parenting

12 Copy quote
The parents exist to teach the child, but also they must learn what the child has to teach them; and the child has a very great deal to teach them

Arnold Bennett

Children, Parenting, Parents Love

7 Copy quote
A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes.

Russell Lynes

Children, Successful, Parenting

Russell Lynes (1991). “Life in the slow lane: observations on art, architecture, manners and other such spectator sports”, Harpercollins

6 Copy quote

Show source
I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.

Anne Lamott

Inspiring, Funny Inspirational, Children

Anne Lamott (1994). “Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year”, Fawcett

58 Copy quote

Show source
A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

Bill Vaughan

Happiness, Baby, Children

46 Copy quote
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby

Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

88 Copy quote
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Erma Bombeck

Inspirational, Witty, Happy Mothers Day

Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

18 Copy quote

Show source
In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.

Bill Cosby

Courage, Children, Dark

Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

12 Copy quote

Show source
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kid's therapy.

Michelle Pfeiffer

Funny, Husband, Kids

16 Copy quote