Funny Parenting Quotes - Page 3

• Raising children is like making biscuits: it is as easy to raise a big batch as one, while you have your hands in the dough.

  E. W. Howe

  Children, Parenting, Hands

  16 Copy quote

• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Family, Mom

  74 Copy quote

• I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

  Dave Barry

  Children, Believe, College

  Dave Barry (2013). “My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old: and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry”, p.85, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Inspirational, Mom, Baby

  11 Copy quote

• Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind.

  Queen Rania of Jordan

  Dream, Gratitude, Laughter

  39 Copy quote

• A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes.

  Russell Lynes

  Children, Successful, Parenting

  Russell Lynes (1991). “Life in the slow lane: observations on art, architecture, manners and other such spectator sports”, Harpercollins

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• Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Life, Education, Children

  58 Copy quote

• In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Children

  25 Copy quote

• Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Mom, Baby, Parent

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.39, BookBaby

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• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Dog, Children

  11 Copy quote

• The parents exist to teach the child, but also they must learn what the child has to teach them; and the child has a very great deal to teach them

  Arnold Bennett

  Children, Parenting, Parents Love

  8 Copy quote

• If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.I would care to know less, and know to care more.I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.I'd teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

  Diana Loomans

  Running, Stars, Children

  69 Copy quote

• I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Parenting

  59 Copy quote

• Children always assume the sexual lives of their parents come to a grinding halt at their conception.

  Alan Bennett

  Children, Parent, Assuming

  Alan Bennett (2008). “Alan Bennett Plays 1: Forty Years On, Getting On, Habeas Corpus and Enjoy”, p.82, Faber & Faber

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• There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Mother, Children

  8 Copy quote

• You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

  Robert Frost

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

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• Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

  William Feather

  Mothers Day, Mom, Children

  William Feather (1949). “The Business of Life”

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• Simply having children does not make mothers.

  John G. Shedd

  Family, Mother, Children

  36 Copy quote

• To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. Your children need your presence more than your presents.

  Jesse Jackson

  Family, Children, Parenting

  15 Copy quote

• Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.

  Haim Ginott

  Happy Mothers Day, Children, Parenting

  54 Copy quote

• The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven's lieutenants.

  William Shakespeare

  Family, God, Meaningful

  William Shakespeare (2010). “Double Falsehood: Third Series”, p.118, A&C Black

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• Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.

  Robert Breault

  Parent, Funny Mothers Day, Passing

  8 Copy quote

• A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided.

  Robert Breault

  Mother, Single Mom, Love Is

  21 Copy quote

• Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child.

  Gail Sheehy

  Love, Family, Marriage

  28 Copy quote

• It behooves a father to be blameless if he expects his child to be.

  Homer

  Children, Dad, Father

  11 Copy quote