Funny Parenting Quotes

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  If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  244 Copy quote

• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  66 Copy quote
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  Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

  Robert Fulghum

  Marriage, Mother, Children

  "Reflections for Tending the Sacred Garden". Book by Bonita Jean Zimmer (p. 182), April 2003.

  165 Copy quote

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• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  62 Copy quote

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• Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

  Sam Levenson

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  47 Copy quote

• Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

  Charles R. Swindoll

  Family, Friday, Mother

  "Creating Fond Memories With Our Children" by Dr. Hyder Zahed, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 15, 2014.

  191 Copy quote

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• A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  43 Copy quote

• All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Inspirational, Children, Parenting

  40 Copy quote

• When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Mom

  94 Copy quote

• It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.

  Joyce Maynard

  Family, Mother, Children

  Joyce Maynard (2010). “At Home in the World: A Memoir”, p.300, Macmillan

  86 Copy quote

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• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Family, Mom

  73 Copy quote

• It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Mothers Day, Mom, Daughter

  "Animal Dreams". Book by Barbara Kingsolver, September 1990.

  21 Copy quote

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• The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.

  Benjamin Spock

  Children, Dad, Parenting

  Benjamin Spock, M.D. (2012). “Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 9th Edition”, p.580, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  39 Copy quote

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• Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

  David Frost

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  86 Copy quote

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• Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

  Bill Cosby

  Motivational, Baby, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 06, 2009

  56 Copy quote

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• If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.

  Laurence Housman

  Marriage, Mothers Day, Mom

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

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• You will always be your child's favorite toy.

  Vicki Lansky

  Mom, Children, Parent

  "Trouble-free Travel with Children: Helpful Hints for Parents on the Go". Book by Vicki Lansky, 1991.

  18 Copy quote

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• Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Death, Fathers Day, Children

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.117, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  65 Copy quote

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• My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have... because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time.

  Karen Brown

  Mom, Children, Kids

  46 Copy quote

• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

  Calvin Trillin

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  49 Copy quote

• Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.

  Bill Ayers

  Kids, Parenting, Compassion

  "An Unconditional Embrace". Interview with Gabriel Lyon, www.tolerance.org. Spring 1998.

  57 Copy quote

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• Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Family, Good Night, Baby

  "Fictional character: Jennifer Jareau". "Criminal Minds" ("Boxed In", Season 10, Episode 5), October 29, 2014.

  76 Copy quote

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• You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Family, Children, Growing Up

  11 Copy quote

• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Family

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2010

  16 Copy quote

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• No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

  Bill Cosby

  Family, Kids, Parenting

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

  36 Copy quote

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