Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.
Homer no function beer well without.
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.
Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?
But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Art is what separates us from the animals.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.
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