Funny Simpsons Quotes

• Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

  Martina Navratilova

  Inspirational, Funny, Sports

  75 Copy quote

• Homer no function beer well without.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Ale, Function

  21 Copy quote

• I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

  Matt Groening

  Sandwiches, Clubs, Destruction

  19 Copy quote

• Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

  Matt Groening

  Food, Inspiration, Funniest Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons (TV Series): Marge vs. the Monorail", www.imdb.com.

  74 Copy quote

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• I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

  Matt Groening

  Children, Believe, Future

  7 Copy quote

• Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

  Yeardley Smith

  Funny Valentines Day, Romantic Love, Romance

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copy quote

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• Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

  Matt Groening

  Christmas, Santa, Birth

  "The Simpsons: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1997.

  8 Copy quote

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• I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

  Dan Castellaneta

  Kids, Hard Work, Sunday

  19 Copy quote

• Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

  Matt Groening

  Loneliness, Comic Book Guy, Dangerous

  "The Simpsons: My Sister, My Sitter". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1997.

  16 Copy quote

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• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

  Matt Groening

  Home, Brain, Stuff

  "Why a Homer Simpson philosophy course isn’t as strange as it sounds" by Anna Leszkiewicz, www.newstatesman.com. November 16, 2016.

  7 Copy quote

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• Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons". Season 4, Episode 1: "Kamp Krusty", www.imdb.com. September 24, 1992.

  232 Copy quote

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• English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

  Matt Groening

  Hilarious, Needs, England

  "The Simpsons: The Way We Was". TV Series, www.imdb.com. January 31, 1991.

  25 Copy quote

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• I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

  Matt Groening

  Fancy, Stuff, Dirt

  "The Simpsons: Team Homer". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1996.

  7 Copy quote

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• It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

  Oscar Wilde

  Winning, Blame, Win Or Lose

  40 Copy quote

• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

  Homer

  People, Needs, Use

  9 Copy quote

• When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.

  Matt Groening

  Children, Faces, Looks

  24 Copy quote

• We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

  Homer

  Fun, Thinking, Law

  6 Copy quote

• But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

  Homer

  Drink, Funniest Simpsons, Great Simpsons

  7 Copy quote

• It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

  Matt Groening

  Children, Eight, Wife

  11 Copy quote

• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Hilarious, Funny Beer

  16 Copy quote

• Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

  Homer

  Needs, England, Funniest Simpsons

  7 Copy quote

• Operator! Give me the number for 911!

  Dan Castellaneta

  Numbers, Giving, Funniest Simpsons

  "The Simpsons: Bart vs. Thanksgiving". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1990.

  6 Copy quote

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• I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Simpsons/ The Old Man and the Lisa". Animation, Comedy, 1997.

  52 Copy quote

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• Art is what separates us from the animals.

  Iimani David

  Art, Animal, Weasels

  9 Copy quote

• If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

  Homer

  Jobs, Half, Way

  7 Copy quote