Funniest Simpsons Quotes

• Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

  Homer

  Needs, England, Funny Simpsons

  4 Copy quote

• Homer no function beer well without.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Ale, Funny Simpsons

  18 Copy quote

• If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

  Homer

  Jobs, Half, Way

  4 Copy quote

• It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

  Charles Dickens

  Inspirational, Time, Cities

  A Tale of Two Cities bk. 1, ch. 1 (1859)

  36 Copy quote

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• It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

  Oscar Wilde

  Winning, Blame, Funny Simpsons

  28 Copy quote

• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

  Matt Groening

  Home, Brain, Stuff

  "Why a Homer Simpson philosophy course isn’t as strange as it sounds" by Anna Leszkiewicz, www.newstatesman.com. November 16, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

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• Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

  Christopher Titus

  Revenge, Philosophy, Hippie

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  5 Copy quote

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• Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

  Dan Castellaneta

  Race, Funny Simpsons, Easy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  14 Copy quote

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• Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.

  Arthur Mitchell

  Animal, Guilt, Funny Simpsons

  13 Copy quote

• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Hilarious, Funny Beer

  12 Copy quote

• But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

  Homer

  Drink, Funny Simpsons, Great Simpsons

  4 Copy quote

• It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

  Sandy Lyle

  Sports, Funny Inspirational, Golf

  23 Copy quote

• Art is what separates us from the animals.

  Iimani David

  Art, Animal, Funny Simpsons

  5 Copy quote

• Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

  Martina Navratilova

  Inspirational, Funny, Sports

  67 Copy quote

• Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

  Matt Groening

  Animal, Important, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". TV Series "The Simpsons" ("Boy Scoutz 'n the Hood", 1993), www.imdb.com. (1989– ).

  24 Copy quote

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• I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Gay, Lgbt

  "The Simpsons (Classic): 'Homer's Phobia'" by Dennis Perkins, tv.avclub.com. February 8, 2015.

  13 Copy quote

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• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Trying

  32 Copy quote

• Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons". Season 4, Episode 1: "Kamp Krusty", www.imdb.com. September 24, 1992.

  222 Copy quote

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• I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

  Matt Groening

  Men, Praying, Funny Simpsons

  4 Copy quote

• You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

  Homer

  Might, Calendars, Tomorrow

  2 Copy quote

• Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow

  Homer

  Wake Up, Tomorrow, Funny Simpsons

  3 Copy quote

• You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

  Matt Groening

  Boys, Buttons, Nuclear Reactors

  19 Copy quote

• Good things don't end in -eum; they end in -mania or -teria.

  Homer

  Funny Simpsons, Good Things, Ends

  3 Copy quote

• Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

  Matt Groening

  Food, Inspiration, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons (TV Series): Marge vs. the Monorail", www.imdb.com.

  71 Copy quote

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• English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

  Matt Groening

  Hilarious, Needs, England

  "The Simpsons: The Way We Was". TV Series, www.imdb.com. January 31, 1991.

  22 Copy quote

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