Funniest Simpsons Quotes

• Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

  Homer

  Needs, England, Funny Simpsons

  8 Copy quote

• Homer no function beer well without.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Ale, Funny Simpsons

  23 Copy quote

• If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

  Homer

  Jobs, Half, Way

  9 Copy quote

• It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

  Charles Dickens

  Inspirational, Time, Cities

  A Tale of Two Cities bk. 1, ch. 1 (1859)

  48 Copy quote

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• It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

  Oscar Wilde

  Winning, Blame, Funny Simpsons

  61 Copy quote

• Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

  Dan Castellaneta

  Race, Funny Simpsons, Easy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  21 Copy quote

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• Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.

  Arthur Mitchell

  Animal, Guilt, Funny Simpsons

  17 Copy quote

• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Hilarious, Funny Beer

  17 Copy quote

• Art is what separates us from the animals.

  Iimani David

  Art, Animal, Funny Simpsons

  10 Copy quote

• Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

  Christopher Titus

  Revenge, Philosophy, Hippie

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

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• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

  Matt Groening

  Home, Brain, Stuff

  "Why a Homer Simpson philosophy course isn’t as strange as it sounds" by Anna Leszkiewicz, www.newstatesman.com. November 16, 2016.

  8 Copy quote

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• It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

  Sandy Lyle

  Sports, Funny Inspirational, Golf

  29 Copy quote

• Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

  Martina Navratilova

  Inspirational, Funny, Sports

  79 Copy quote

• I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Gay, Lgbt

  "The Simpsons (Classic): 'Homer's Phobia'" by Dennis Perkins, tv.avclub.com. February 8, 2015.

  21 Copy quote

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• Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

  Matt Groening

  Animal, Important, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". TV Series "The Simpsons" ("Boy Scoutz 'n the Hood", 1993), www.imdb.com. (1989– ).

  29 Copy quote

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• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Trying

  38 Copy quote

• Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons". Season 4, Episode 1: "Kamp Krusty", www.imdb.com. September 24, 1992.

  236 Copy quote

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• But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

  Homer

  Drink, Funny Simpsons, Great Simpsons

  8 Copy quote

• I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

  Matt Groening

  Men, Praying, Funny Simpsons

  8 Copy quote

• Operator! Give me the number for 911!

  Dan Castellaneta

  Numbers, Giving, Funny Simpsons

  "The Simpsons: Bart vs. Thanksgiving". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1990.

  7 Copy quote

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• It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

  Matt Groening

  Children, Eight, Wife

  13 Copy quote

• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

  Homer

  People, Needs, Use

  11 Copy quote

• I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

  Yogi Berra

  Funny, Drunk, Waiting

  10 Copy quote

• You can't handle the truth!

  Jack Nicholson

  Movie, Memorable, Great Year

  18 Copy quote

• Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

  Matt Groening

  Food, Inspiration, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons (TV Series): Marge vs. the Monorail", www.imdb.com.

  75 Copy quote

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