Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!
Homer no function beer well without.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!
First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds...it makes ice.
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
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