Great Simpsons Quotes

• It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

  Matt Groening

  Children, Eight, Wife

  13 Copy quote

• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

  Matt Groening

  Home, Brain, Stuff

  "Why a Homer Simpson philosophy course isn’t as strange as it sounds" by Anna Leszkiewicz, www.newstatesman.com. November 16, 2016.

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• Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

  Martina Navratilova

  Inspirational, Funny, Sports

  79 Copy quote

• Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

  Homer

  Looks, Remember, Ifs

  7 Copy quote

• Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

  Matt Groening

  Loneliness, Funny Simpsons, Comic Book Guy

  "The Simpsons: My Sister, My Sitter". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1997.

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• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Trying

  38 Copy quote

• Art is what separates us from the animals.

  Iimani David

  Art, Animal, Funny Simpsons

  10 Copy quote

• It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

  Sandy Lyle

  Sports, Funny Inspirational, Golf

  29 Copy quote

• Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

  Dan Castellaneta

  Beer, Alcohol, Pubs

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". TV Series "The Simpsons" ("Homer's Odyssey", 1990), www.imdb.com. (1989 - ).

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• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

  Homer

  People, Needs, Use

  11 Copy quote

• It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

  Oscar Wilde

  Winning, Blame, Funny Simpsons

  61 Copy quote

• We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

  Homer

  Fun, Thinking, Law

  7 Copy quote

• I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

  Homer

  Funny Simpsons, Funniest Simpsons, Knows

  14 Copy quote

• You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

  Homer

  Real, Work Out, Christianity

  7 Copy quote

• When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

  Homer

  Mean, Laughing, Ass

  7 Copy quote

• You can't handle the truth!

  Jack Nicholson

  Movie, Memorable, Great Year

  18 Copy quote

• I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

  Matt Groening

  Fancy, Stuff, Dirt

  "The Simpsons: Team Homer". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1996.

  8 Copy quote

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• Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

  Matt Groening

  Hilarious, Believe, Vampire

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons. Treehouse of Horror IV", www.imdb.com. 1993.

  80 Copy quote

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• I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Simpsons/ The Old Man and the Lisa". Animation, Comedy, 1997.

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• America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

  Matt Groening

  Japan, Europe, America

  62 Copy quote

• First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

  Matt Groening

  Money, Montana, Sugar

  33 Copy quote

• I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Gay, Lgbt

  "The Simpsons (Classic): 'Homer's Phobia'" by Dennis Perkins, tv.avclub.com. February 8, 2015.

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• But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

  Homer

  Drink, Funny Simpsons, Funniest Simpsons

  8 Copy quote

• Homer no function beer well without.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Ale, Funny Simpsons

  23 Copy quote

• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Hilarious, Funny Beer

  17 Copy quote