Great Simpsons Quotes

• Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

  Martina Navratilova

  Inspirational, Funny, Sports

  75 Copy quote

• Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

  Homer

  Looks, Remember, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

  Sandy Lyle

  Sports, Funny Inspirational, Golf

  27 Copy quote

• We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

  Homer

  Fun, Thinking, Law

  6 Copy quote

• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

  Homer

  People, Needs, Use

  9 Copy quote

• You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

  Homer

  Real, Work Out, Christianity

  6 Copy quote

• It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

  Matt Groening

  Children, Eight, Wife

  11 Copy quote

• I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

  Homer

  Funny Simpsons, Funniest Simpsons, Knows

  13 Copy quote

• It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

  Oscar Wilde

  Winning, Blame, Funny Simpsons

  40 Copy quote

• But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

  Homer

  Drink, Funny Simpsons, Funniest Simpsons

  7 Copy quote

• Homer no function beer well without.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Ale, Funny Simpsons

  21 Copy quote

• I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

  Matt Groening

  Beer, Gay, Lgbt

  "The Simpsons (Classic): 'Homer's Phobia'" by Dennis Perkins, tv.avclub.com. February 8, 2015.

  19 Copy quote

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• Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

  Dan Castellaneta

  Beer, Alcohol, Pubs

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". TV Series "The Simpsons" ("Homer's Odyssey", 1990), www.imdb.com. (1989 - ).

  15 Copy quote

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• First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

  Matt Groening

  Money, Montana, Sugar

  27 Copy quote

• If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

  Homer

  Jobs, Half, Way

  7 Copy quote

• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Hilarious, Funny Beer

  16 Copy quote

• I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

  Matt Groening

  Men, Praying, Funny Simpsons

  7 Copy quote

• Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

  Matt Groening

  Animal, Important, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". TV Series "The Simpsons" ("Boy Scoutz 'n the Hood", 1993), www.imdb.com. (1989– ).

  27 Copy quote

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• Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

  Christopher Titus

  Revenge, Philosophy, Hippie

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copy quote

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• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

  Matt Groening

  Home, Brain, Stuff

  "Why a Homer Simpson philosophy course isn’t as strange as it sounds" by Anna Leszkiewicz, www.newstatesman.com. November 16, 2016.

  7 Copy quote

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• A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds...it makes ice.

  Homer

  Ice, Feet, Six

  7 Copy quote

• And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

  Homer

  Here I Am, Sucker, My Own

  7 Copy quote

• I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.

  Homer

  World, Gray

  6 Copy quote

• Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.

  Arthur Mitchell

  Animal, Guilt, Funny Simpsons

  16 Copy quote

• Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

  Matt Groening

  Food, Inspiration, Funny Simpsons

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons (TV Series): Marge vs. the Monorail", www.imdb.com.

  74 Copy quote

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