Funny Single Valentines Day Quotes

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  96 Copy quote

• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  90 Copy quote

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• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

  A. A. Milne

  Love, Friendship, Birthday

  "Winnie-the-Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner". Book by A. A. Milne, 1928.

  130 Copy quote

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• Love is a game that two can play and both win.

  Eva Gabor

  Love, Valentines Day, Fun

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  61 Copy quote

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• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

  85 Copy quote

• What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

  Pearl Bailey

  Love, Romantic, Valentines Day

  "Weekly World News" Magazine, Vol. 26, No. 33, April 25, 2005.

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• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  144 Copy quote

• Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Men

  William Shakespeare (1998). “As You Like It”, p.57, Courier Corporation

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• Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

  Sarah Jessica Parker

  Single, Sexy, Mean

  62 Copy quote

• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  233 Copy quote

• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Love, Sarcastic, Depressing

  76 Copy quote

• Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

  Lewis Black

  Funny Valentines Day, Holiday, Special

  10 Copy quote

• Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

  David Letterman

  Valentines Day, Together, Beets

  20 Copy quote

• A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Love, Valentines Day, Nature

  "An Uncommon Scold". Book by Abby Adams, 1989.

  35 Copy quote

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• The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

  Ann Landers

  Being Happy, Funny Inspirational, Funny Valentines Day

  46 Copy quote

• Being single is pretty good. It's a nice sense of irresponsibility.

  Michael Douglas

  Single, Nice, Happy Valentines Day

  37 Copy quote

• I'm single because I was born that way.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Witty, Freedom

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  26 Copy quote

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• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

  Dorothy Parker

  Marriage, Wedding, Stupid

  Dorothy Parker, Stuart Y. Silverstein (2009). “Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker”, p.19, Simon and Schuster

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• Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Valentine, Mean

  16 Copy quote

• For the taxable investor, indexing means never having to say you're sorry.

  William J. Bernstein

  Love, Movie, Romantic

  22 Copy quote

• Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.

  e. e. cummings

  Romantic, Valentines Day, Fate

  E. E. Cummings (1996). “Is 5”, p.77, W. W. Norton & Company

  37 Copy quote

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• Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun.

  Armistead Maupin

  Valentines Day, Fun, Valentine's Day

  Armistead Maupin (1992). “Maybe the moon: a novel”, HarperCollins Publishers

  84 Copy quote

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• No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

  Henry A. Kissinger

  Love, Funny, Leadership

  37 Copy quote

• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Anniversary, Valentines Day

  91 Copy quote

• To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

  Bess Myerson

  Love, Broken Heart, Breakup

  28 Copy quote