Funny Single Valentines Day Quotes

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

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• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

  A. A. Milne

  Love, Friendship, Birthday

  "Winnie-the-Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner". Book by A. A. Milne, 1928.

  75 Copy quote

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• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  69 Copy quote

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• Love is a game that two can play and both win.

  Eva Gabor

  Love, Valentines Day, Fun

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  49 Copy quote

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• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

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• What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

  Pearl Bailey

  Love, Romantic, Valentines Day

  "Weekly World News" Magazine, Vol. 26, No. 33, April 25, 2005.

  46 Copy quote

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• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

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• For the taxable investor, indexing means never having to say you're sorry.

  William J. Bernstein

  Love, Movie, Romantic

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• Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Men

  William Shakespeare (1998). “As You Like It”, p.57, Courier Corporation

  30 Copy quote

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• A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Love, Valentines Day, Nature

  "An Uncommon Scold". Book by Abby Adams, 1989.

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• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Love, Sarcastic, Depressing

  57 Copy quote

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  181 Copy quote

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• Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.

  e. e. cummings

  Romantic, Valentines Day, Fate

  E. E. Cummings (1996). “Is 5”, p.77, W. W. Norton & Company

  31 Copy quote

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• I'm single because I was born that way.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Witty, Freedom

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  16 Copy quote

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• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

  Dorothy Parker

  Marriage, Wedding, Stupid

  Dorothy Parker, Stuart Y. Silverstein (2009). “Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker”, p.19, Simon and Schuster

  88 Copy quote

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• Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

  Sarah Jessica Parker

  Single, Sexy, Mean

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• The course of true love never did run smooth.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Life, Summer

  'A Midsummer Night's Dream' (1595-6) act 1, sc. 1, l. 132

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• Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

  Lewis Black

  Funny Valentines Day, Holiday, Special

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• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

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• Love is like war; easy to begin, hard to end.

  Ann Brashares

  Life, Funny Love, War

  FaceBook post by Ann Brashares from Apr 08, 2013

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• To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

  Bess Myerson

  Love, Broken Heart, Breakup

  21 Copy quote

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• No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.

  Joyce Brothers

  Love, Relationship, Funny Valentines Day

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• One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Funny, Sarcastic

  Oscar Wilde (2004). “The Best of Oscar Wilde: Selected Plays and Writings”, p.144, Penguin

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• Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

  Aristotle

  Love, Life, Positive

  Attributed to Aristotle in Diogenes Laertius "The Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers" translated by C. D. Yonge and Henry G. Bohn (p. 188), 1853.

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• Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

  Albert Einstein

  Love, Inspirational, Romantic

  14 Copy quote

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