Funny Single Valentines Day Quotes

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  83 Copy quote

• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

  A. A. Milne

  Love, Friendship, Birthday

  "Winnie-the-Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner". Book by A. A. Milne, 1928.

  76 Copy quote

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• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  69 Copy quote

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• Love is a game that two can play and both win.

  Eva Gabor

  Love, Valentines Day, Fun

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  49 Copy quote

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• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  125 Copy quote

• What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

  Pearl Bailey

  Love, Romantic, Valentines Day

  "Weekly World News" Magazine, Vol. 26, No. 33, April 25, 2005.

  46 Copy quote

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• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

  80 Copy quote

• For the taxable investor, indexing means never having to say you're sorry.

  William J. Bernstein

  Love, Movie, Romantic

  19 Copy quote

• Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Men

  William Shakespeare (1998). “As You Like It”, p.57, Courier Corporation

  30 Copy quote

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• A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Love, Valentines Day, Nature

  "An Uncommon Scold". Book by Abby Adams, 1989.

  25 Copy quote

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• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Love, Sarcastic, Depressing

  57 Copy quote

• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  181 Copy quote

• Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.

  e. e. cummings

  Romantic, Valentines Day, Fate

  E. E. Cummings (1996). “Is 5”, p.77, W. W. Norton & Company

  31 Copy quote

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• I'm single because I was born that way.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Witty, Freedom

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  16 Copy quote

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• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

  Dorothy Parker

  Marriage, Wedding, Stupid

  Dorothy Parker, Stuart Y. Silverstein (2009). “Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker”, p.19, Simon and Schuster

  88 Copy quote

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• Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

  Sarah Jessica Parker

  Single, Sexy, Mean

  51 Copy quote

• Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

  L. Frank Baum

  Love, Break Up, Broken Heart

  "Fictional character: The Wizard of Oz". "The Wizard of Oz", www.imdb.com. August 12, 1939.

  28 Copy quote

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• I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.

  Jonathan Swift

  Funny, Inspiration, Being In Love

  1738 Polite Conversation, dialogue 2.

  5 Copy quote

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• Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

  Judith Viorst

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  "The Problem Behind All Problems". Book by Michael Hansbury, 2009.

  12 Copy quote

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• Avant-garde means never having to say you're sorry.

  Marc Ribot

  Love, Movie, Romantic

  20 Copy quote

• If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

  Estelle Getty

  Sorry, Memorable, Mean

  16 Copy quote

• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Boyfriend, Marriage, Breakup

  16 Copy quote

• Vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

  Larry Adler

  Love, Movie, Romantic

  Larry Adler, Philip Judge (1994). “Me and My Big Mouth”, Blake Pub

  29 Copy quote

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• Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

  David Letterman

  Valentines Day, Together, Beets

  14 Copy quote

• Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.

  Honore Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Believe

  19 Copy quote