Golf Humor Quotes - Page 2

• Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, Years, Serious

  P. G. Wodehouse, D. R. Bensen (1999). “Fore!: The Best of Wodehouse on Golf”, p.201, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sports, Hate

  Quoted in Michael HobbsThe Golf Quotation Book (1992).

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• If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

  Sam Snead

  Sports, Golf, Knives

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• It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sports, Inspiration

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• Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

  Harry Vardon

  Funny, Retirement, Golf

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• I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

  Lee Trevino

  Dirty, Golf, Games

  Quoted in Scholastic Coach,'Coaches' Corner', Dec 1982.

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• These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

  Sam Snead

  Dirty, Golf, Gold

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• Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

  Jimmy Demaret

  Sex, Golf, Enjoy

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• Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.

  Paul Harvey

  Writing, Golf, Games

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• Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

  Jim Bishop

  Funny, Retirement, Native American

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• I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Sports, Golf, Guitar

  Quoted in Colin Jarman The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

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• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

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• They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

  Ray Floyd

  Funny, Taken, Golf

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  I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

  Gerald R. Ford

  Funny, Sports, Golf

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• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Inspirational Sports

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• If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

  Jack Lemmon

  Sports, Dirty, Golf

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• I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.

  Arnold Palmer

  Golf, Games, Strokes

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• Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

  Tiger Woods

  Basketball, Sports, Sexy

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• The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

  George Deukmejian

  Funny, Lying, Golf

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• The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.

  Pete Dye

  Funny, Golf, Play

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• The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

  Billy Graham

  Sports, Prayer, Golf

  Billy Graham (2013). “Quotes from Billy Graham: A Legacy of Faith”, p.143, B&H Publishing Group

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• I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Golf, Play

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• Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

  Jack Benny

  Beautiful, Sports, Golf

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• Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.

  Ken Venturi

  Running, Art, Distance

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• I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Golf, Missing, Helping

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