The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course
I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.
Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
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