The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games.
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Swing hard in case you hit it.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
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