While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.
May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
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