Golf Jokes Quotes

• The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

  Billy Graham

  Sports, Prayer, Golf

  Billy Graham (2013). “Quotes from Billy Graham: A Legacy of Faith”, p.143, B&H Publishing Group

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• It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

  Hank Aaron

  Funny, Sports, Baseball

  65 Copy quote

• If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

  Bob Hope

  Dirty, Golf, Play

  10 Copy quote

• Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

  William Wordsworth

  Sports, Retirement, Golf

  'The Prelude' (1850) bk. 4, l. 376

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• The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.

  H. G. Wells

  Beauty, Golf, Men

  H. G. Wells (2015). “Delphi Complete Works of H. G. Wells”, p.4845, Delphi Classics

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• Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

  John Updike

  Children, Dirty, Golf

  John Updike (2011). “Golf Dreams: Writings on Golf”, p.148, Random House

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• You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

  Lee Trevino

  Sports, Husband, Golf

  76 Copy quote

• If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

  Lee Trevino

  Sports, Golf, Iron

  62 Copy quote

• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

  16 Copy quote

• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Inspirational Sports

  20 Copy quote

• If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

  Jack Lemmon

  Sports, Dirty, Golf

  68 Copy quote

• Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Golf

  48 Copy quote

• Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.

  Jack Nicklaus

  Sports, Golf, Winning

  12 Copy quote

• Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

  Jimmy Demaret

  Sex, Golf, Enjoy

  25 Copy quote

• Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

  Jim Bishop

  Funny, Retirement, Native American

  14 Copy quote

• It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sports, Inspiration

  75 Copy quote

• Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

  Winston Churchill

  Golf, Pills, Cows

  Winston Churchill (1987). “The Irrepressible Churchill: Stories, Sayings and Impressions of Sir Winston Churchill”, London : Robson Books

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• One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.

  George Archer

  Golf, Play, Funny Golf

  9 Copy quote

• The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

  John Updike

  Golf, Swings, Trying

  John Updike (2009). “More Matter: Essays and Criticism”, p.124, Random House

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• My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

  George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

  Golf, Swings, Practice

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

  Brian Weiss

  Golf, Long, Tree

  8 Copy quote

• The most important shot in golf is the next one.

  Ben Hogan

  Golf, Important, The Next One

  69 Copy quote

• There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.

  Ben Hogan

  Sports, Golf, Air

  13 Copy quote

• I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Golf, Three, Fear Of Death

  20 Copy quote

• I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

  Ben Crenshaw

  Distance, Golf, Ears

  52 Copy quote