Golf Jokes Quotes - Page 2

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

John Updike

Golf, Swings, Trying

John Updike (2009). “More Matter: Essays and Criticism”, p.124, Random House

9 Copy quote

Show source
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

Brian Weiss

Golf, Long, Tree

8 Copy quote
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands; how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Tom Mulligan

Golf, Hands, Two

7 Copy quote
The most important shot in golf is the next one.

Ben Hogan

Golf, Important, The Next One

69 Copy quote
They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.

Tommy Bolt

Distance, Golf, Clubs

7 Copy quote
In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base.

Ken Harrelson

Leadership, Baseball, Running

14 Copy quote
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

Ben Crenshaw

Distance, Golf, Ears

52 Copy quote
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.

George Archer

Golf, Play, Funny Golf

9 Copy quote
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

Kevin Costner

Funny, Sex, Humor

39 Copy quote
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.

Ben Hogan

Sports, Golf, Air

13 Copy quote
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Henny Youngman

Golf, Two, Balls

"Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

51 Copy quote

Show source
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

Gerald R. Ford

Funny, Sports, Golf

8 Copy quote
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

Harry Vardon

Funny, Retirement, Golf

41 Copy quote
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

Bob Hope

Hope, Golf, Games

12 Copy quote
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

Robert Wilson Lynd

Sports, Golf, World

10 Copy quote
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

Dean Martin

Retirement, Drinking, Book

"Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

150 Copy quote

Show source
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.

Gerald R. Ford

Dirty, Golf, Eagles

11 Copy quote
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.

Gardner Dickinson

Believe, Golf, Complicated

9 Copy quote
Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.

Paul Harvey

Writing, Golf, Games

14 Copy quote
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

Lee Trevino

Dirty, Golf, Games

Quoted in Scholastic Coach,'Coaches' Corner', Dec 1982.

65 Copy quote

Show source
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

Lee Trevino

Dirty, Golf, Gold

15 Copy quote
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

Sam Snead

Sports, Golf, Knives

38 Copy quote
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

George Deukmejian

Funny, Lying, Golf

50 Copy quote
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.

Pete Dye

Funny, Golf, Play

53 Copy quote
May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.

Ben Hogan

Lying, Golf, Water

27 Copy quote