I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
a mother-in-law's praise says more in a woman's favor than anything else in the world.
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law.
A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
The mother of a trophy wife is not automatically a trophy mother-in-law.
When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that's something.
Behind every successful person, stands a very successful mother-in-law.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
The difference between America and England is that the English think 100 miles is a long distance and the Americans think 100 years is a long time. The difference between an autobiography and an unauthorized biography is like the difference between an account of your life written by your mother and one written by your mother-in-law.
If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room.
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'
Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.
The perfect family doesn't exist, nor is there a perfect husband or a perfect wife, and let's not talk about the perfect mother-in-law! It's just us sinners. A healthy family life requires frequent use of three phrases: "May I? Thank you, and I'm sorry" and "never, never, never end the day without making peace."
My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.
I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law.
I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity.
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