Thanksgiving Funny Quotes - Page 2

I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Los Angeles

39 Copy quote
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

Jay Leno

Thanksgiving, Fun, Long

18 Copy quote
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Nicole Hollander

Food, Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys

9 Copy quote
God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

Addison Mizner

Inspirational, Funny, Friendship

"The Complete Cynic".

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I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Craig Ferguson

Funny, Thanksgiving, Football

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You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

Dylan Brody

Thanksgiving, Wise, Native American

46 Copy quote
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Kin Hubbard

Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Kitchen

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Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

P. J. O'Rourke

Thanksgiving, Years, Thankfulness

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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

George Bernard Shaw

Thanksgiving, Witty, Humorous

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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

Mitch Hedberg

Thanksgiving, Being Yourself, Fun

64 Copy quote
Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song.

Conrad Gessner

Thank You, Thanksgiving, Song

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So once in every year we throng Upon a day apart, to praise the Lord with feast and song in thankfulness of heart.

Arthur Guiterman

Thanksgiving, Song, Heart

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I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that.

Howie Mandel

Thanksgiving, Canada, Thursday

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

Melody Beattie

Inspirational, Life, Change

Melody Beattie (2013). “Melody Beattie 4 Title Bundle: Codependent No More and 3 Other Best Sellers by Melody Beattie: A collection of four Melody Beattie best sellers”, Hazelden Publishing

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Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Melody Beattie

Happiness, Thanksgiving, Thank You

Melody Beattie (2003). “The Language of Letting Go: A Meditation Book and Journal for Daily Reflections”, Hazelden Publishing

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The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.

William Blake

Happiness, Thank You, Thanksgiving

William Blake, David Fuller (2000). “William Blake: Selected Poetry and Prose”, p.133, Pearson Education

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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Phyllis Diller

Thanksgiving, Fun, Kids

87 Copy quote
Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.

Henry Van Dyke

Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Kindness

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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving, Sports, Football

"On Being Blonde: Wit and Wisdom from the World's Most Infamous Blondes". Book by Paula Munier, p. 67, September 1, 2004.

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If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

Ted Nugent

Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Want

94 Copy quote
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Jon Stewart

Funny, Thanksgiving, Holiday

90 Copy quote
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

Kevin James

Funny, Thanksgiving, Good Day

Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

Willie Nelson

Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

"The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart". Book by Willie Nelson, Turk Pipkin, 2006.

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Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Marcel Proust

Friendship, Happiness, Happy

Marcel Proust (1957). “Pleasures and days: and other writings”

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In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

Inspirational, Motivational, Friendship

790 Copy quote