Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

• You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

  Dylan Brody

  Thanksgiving, Wise, Native American

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• To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

  Reba McEntire

  Life, Success, Positivity

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

  John F. Kennedy

  Inspirational, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  Kennedy, John F. (1964). “Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963”, p.836, Best Books on

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• I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Los Angeles

  32 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

  Jay Leno

  Thanksgiving, Fun, Long

  16 Copy quote

• I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Holiday

  85 Copy quote

• After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.

  Oscar Wilde

  Family, Thanksgiving, Food

  1893 Lady Caroline. A Woman of No Importance, act 2.

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• The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

  Dalai Lama

  Inspirational, Positive, Thank You

  Dalai Lama (1994). “The Path to Enlightenment”, p.105, Shambhala

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• May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

  Grandpa Jones

  Thanksgiving, Yams, Turkeys

  68 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Thanksgiving, Years, Thankfulness

  7 Copy quote

• I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  90 Copy quote
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  My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thanksgiving, Fun, Kids

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• Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

  Dave Barry

  War, Years, Turkeys

  10 Copy quote

• When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

  Willie Nelson

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

  "The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart". Book by Willie Nelson, Turk Pipkin, 2006.

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• God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'

  William Arthur Ward

  Thank You, Thanksgiving, God

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• Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

  Johnny Carson

  Thanksgiving, Holiday, Emotional

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• Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

  David Letterman

  Thanksgiving, Mom, Drinking

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• An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

  Irv Kupcinet

  Thanksgiving, Optimistic, Turkeys

  48 Copy quote

• Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —

  William Arthur Ward

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

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  Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

  Oprah Winfrey

  Positive, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  FaceBook post by Oprah Winfrey from Oct 03, 2011

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• If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.

  W. Clement Stone

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

  49 Copy quote

• What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

  Erma Bombeck

  Thanksgiving, Food, Mean

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.271, Open Road Media

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• No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

  Erma Bombeck

  Diets

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.301, Open Road Media

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• Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thanksgiving, People, What If

  "Comedian Jim Gaffigan Shares How To Survive Holiday Political Debates". "All Things Considered" with Kelly McEvers, www.npr.org. November 23, 2016.

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• Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thanksgiving, People, Drunk

  "Beyond the Pale". Live album by Jim Gaffigan, www.npr.org. February 7, 2006.

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