Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

• As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

  John F. Kennedy

  Inspirational, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  Kennedy, John F. (1964). “Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963”, p.836, Best Books on

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• You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

  Dylan Brody

  Thanksgiving, Wise, Native American

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• I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Los Angeles

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• Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Inspirational, Life, Thankful

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• I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

  Ellen Orleans

  Thanksgiving, Strong, Holiday

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• What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

  Erma Bombeck

  Thanksgiving, Food, Mean

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.271, Open Road Media

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• If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

  Ted Nugent

  Turkeys, Want, Deer

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  In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

  Albert Schweitzer

  Inspirational, Motivational, Friendship

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• There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Thanksgiving, Witty, Humorous

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• It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.

  Russell Baker

  Food, Grandmother, Turkeys

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• No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

  Erma Bombeck

  Diets

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.301, Open Road Media

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• It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Three

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  Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

  Oprah Winfrey

  Positive, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  FaceBook post by Oprah Winfrey from Oct 03, 2011

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• After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.

  Oscar Wilde

  Family, Thanksgiving, Food

  1893 Lady Caroline. A Woman of No Importance, act 2.

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• I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Football

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• Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Religious

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.226, 谷月社

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• I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.

  Frank A. Clark

  Motivational, Thanksgiving, Thankful

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• Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

  David Letterman

  Thanksgiving, Mom, Drinking

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• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Thanksgiving, Sports, Football

  "On Being Blonde: Wit and Wisdom from the World's Most Infamous Blondes". Book by Paula Munier, p. 67, September 1, 2004.

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  Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

  Jim Davis

  Thanksgiving, Food, Zucchini

  Jim Davis (2012). “Garfield Eats His Heart Out: His 6th Book”, p.4, Ballantine Group

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• The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.

  William Blake

  Happiness, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  William Blake, David Fuller (2000). “William Blake: Selected Poetry and Prose”, p.133, Pearson Education

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• May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

  Grandpa Jones

  Thanksgiving, Yams, Turkeys

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• There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.

  O. Henry

  Thanksgiving, One Day, Biscuits

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• A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

  Kin Hubbard

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Kitchen

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