You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.
The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.
May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.
When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.
God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
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