If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.
Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.