Parenthood Funny Quotes

• You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

  Franklin P. Adams

  Patience, Baby, Funny Inspirational

  62 Copy quote

• Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.

  Bill Ayers

  Kids, Parenting, Compassion

  "An Unconditional Embrace". Interview with Gabriel Lyon, www.tolerance.org. Spring 1998.

  57 Copy quote

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• Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.

  Debra Ginsberg

  Mom, Funny Inspirational, Children

  51 Copy quote

• Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

  William Feather

  Mothers Day, Mom, Children

  William Feather (1949). “The Business of Life”

  10 Copy quote

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• If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.

  Bette Davis

  Mom, Mother, Children

  126 Copy quote

• Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.

  Robert Breault

  Kids, Expectations, Parent

  8 Copy quote

• Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Life, Children, Humorous

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Oct 04, 2010

  63 Copy quote

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• Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Time, Children, Memorable

  "The Complete Neurotic's Notebook". Book by Mignon McLaughlin, 1981.

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• If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

  Abigail Van Buren

  Inspirational, Motivational, Family

  64 Copy quote

• I think once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer.

  Jodi Picoult

  Mother, Parenting, Funny Parent

  "My Sister's Keeper". Book by Jodi Picoult, April 6, 2004.

  13 Copy quote

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• In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.

  Bill Cosby

  Courage, Children, Dark

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

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• If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.

  Laurence Housman

  Marriage, Mothers Day, Mom

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

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• A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

  Steve Martin

  Fathers Day, Baby, Dad

  37 Copy quote

• Simply having children does not make mothers.

  John G. Shedd

  Family, Mother, Children

  35 Copy quote

• Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Life, Education, Children

  53 Copy quote

• As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

  Buddy Hackett

  Funny, Family, Mothers Day

  100 Copy quote

• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Dog, Children

  9 Copy quote

• The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.

  Debra Ginsberg

  Children, Heart, Parenting

  11 Copy quote

• You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

  Robert Frost

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

  16 Copy quote

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• Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Inspirational, Life, Relationship

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (2000). “Life's Instructions for Wisdom, Success, and Happiness”, p.83, Thomas Nelson Inc

  105 Copy quote

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• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  12 Copy quote

• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Family, Mom

  73 Copy quote

• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

  66 Copy quote

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• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  66 Copy quote

• The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.

  Frank A. Clark

  Children, Parenting, Important

  61 Copy quote