I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!
The thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.
The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song.
Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.