Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 11

Quotes about:

• You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Home, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

  Erma Bombeck

  Literature, Lasts, Easy

  4 Copy quote

• Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

  Erma Bombeck

  Football, Men, Games

  4 Copy quote

• If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Stupid, Awards

  4 Copy quote

• Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

  Erma Bombeck

  Summer, Mother, Hurt

  52 Copy quote

• Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Mom

  7 Copy quote

• I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Light, Two

  4 Copy quote

• My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

  Erma Bombeck

  Women, Talking, Columns

  4 Copy quote

• I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

  Erma Bombeck

  Yesterday, Boredom, Meat

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.433, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Faces

  4 Copy quote

• Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Mother, Dog

  6 Copy quote

• I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  7 Copy quote

• Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

  Erma Bombeck

  Ifs And, Feet, Half

  4 Copy quote

• Many people are intimidated by doctors. ... People also feel stupid when they don't understand what a doctor's talking about the first time around, so they don't ask again. And let's be honest here, people. English is not a doctor's first language.

  Erma Bombeck

  Stupid, Doctors, Talking

  4 Copy quote

• One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.

  Erma Bombeck

  Country, Travel, Fall

  7 Copy quote

• Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  4 Copy quote

• When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.

  Erma Bombeck

  Names, Dinner, Tag

  7 Copy quote

• Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

  Erma Bombeck

  Daughter, Humorous, Phones

  Erma Bombeck, Bil Keane (2011). “Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!”, p.95, Fawcett

  4 Copy quote

• Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Sports, Sex

  4 Copy quote

• God created man, but I could do better.

  Erma Bombeck

  Work, Men

  4 Copy quote

• What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

  Erma Bombeck

  Years, Bikinis, Doe

  16 Copy quote

• Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Men, Remember You, Remembers You

  4 Copy quote

• I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of "go out and fulfill your dreams" and "be everything you were meant to be." But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.

  Erma Bombeck

  Daughter, Mother, Dream

  4 Copy quote

• Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Children, Spit Up

  4 Copy quote

• Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dog, Impact, Teeth

  Erma Bombeck (1996). “Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

  4 Copy quote

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