Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both."-
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
That's something - you laugh about Eminem... It's funny, man, because I didn't like him when he first came out, ya know. It seemed like a big joke. But I think the guy's for real, and I like his lyrics!
When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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