Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.
I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both."-
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.
I'd love to do a comedy. I'd love to do a two-hander like the old Leathal Weapon movies. I love those, like an action comedy with the straight man and the funny man. I'd love to do one of those. Just got to find one, find a funny man that wants to do one with me.
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