Funny Sex Quotes

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  If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

  Bette Midler

  Love, Funny, Hilarious

  Twitter post from Mar 27, 2014

  93 Copy quote

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• I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

  Woody Allen

  Life, Sex, Answers

  80 Copy quote

• I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Witty, Sex

  54 Copy quote

• It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

  Tallulah Bankhead

  Funny, Girl, Sexy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  123 Copy quote

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• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Funny, Life

  415 Copy quote

• Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

  Camille Paglia

  Sexy, Clever, Sex Relationships

  11 Copy quote

• Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.

  Sabrina Jeffries

  Sex, Food, Heart

  13 Copy quote

• Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie.

  Alec Baldwin

  Sex, Chinese, Cookies

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  58 Copy quote

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• Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Love, Sex, Exercise

  16 Copy quote

• Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

  S. J. Perelman

  Love, Anniversary, Valentines Day

  63 Copy quote

• Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

  Sophia Loren

  Love, Funny, Sexy

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, The Filmgoer's Book of Quotes (1973)

  23 Copy quote

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• Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

  Lord Chesterfield

  Witty, Sex, Ridiculous

  Attributed in W. Somerset Maugham, Christmas Holiday (1939)

  15 Copy quote

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• I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

  Groucho Marx

  Sex, Funny Relationship, Goggles

  55 Copy quote

• I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

  John Waters

  Love, Life, Witty

  "Weekly Meditations for Healthy Sex (Dec. 14-20)" by Alexandra Katehakis, www.huffingtonpost.com. December 14, 2012.

  24 Copy quote

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• Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant.

  Henry Miller

  Funny, Sexy, Good Sex

  Sexus ch. 21 (1949)

  23 Copy quote

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• Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

  Billy Crystal

  Sexy, Being Single, Men

  "Fictional character: Mitch Robbins". "City Slickers", www.imdb.com. June 7, 1991.

  115 Copy quote

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• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Dance, Sexy, Expression

  In New Statesman 23 Mar. 1962

  78 Copy quote

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• Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Sex, Humorous

  Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (1972 film)

  27 Copy quote

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• Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping.

  Lisa Lampanelli

  Sex, Escaping, Guy

  6 Copy quote

• The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

  Brendan Behan

  Funny, Marriage, Sexy

  "Readers recommend: songs about prostitution" by Peter Kimpton, www.theguardian.com. July 24, 2014.

  20 Copy quote

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• There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Hilarious, Single

  P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

  95 Copy quote

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• Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

  Woody Allen

  Sex, Men, Wonderful

  27 Copy quote

• I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Beautiful, Sex

  52 Copy quote

• When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

  Matt Groening

  Witty, Sex, Lessons To Be Learned

  14 Copy quote

• Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Witty, Sex, Men

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.42, BookBaby

  74 Copy quote

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