Funny Sex Quotes

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  If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

  Bette Midler

  Love, Funny, Hilarious

  Twitter post from Mar 27, 2014

  88 Copy quote

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• I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

  Woody Allen

  Life, Sex, Answers

  77 Copy quote

• Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

  Billy Crystal

  Sexy, Being Single, Men

  "Fictional character: Mitch Robbins". "City Slickers", www.imdb.com. June 7, 1991.

  113 Copy quote

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• I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Beautiful, Sex

  49 Copy quote

• For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.

  Isabel Allende

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  110 Copy quote

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• I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Sexy, Anti Valentines Day, Married

  33 Copy quote

• It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.

  Brigitte Bardot

  Funny, Faith, Sexy

  40 Copy quote

• Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Anniversary, Sex

  "I give up" by Emily Wilson, www.theguardian.com. August 5, 2003.

  21 Copy quote

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• Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing.

  Charles Bukowski

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  Charles Bukowski (2013). “Notes of a Dirty Old Man”, p.127, City Lights Books

  18 Copy quote

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• Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Sex, Men, Average

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.44, BookBaby

  25 Copy quote

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• We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

  Lily Tomlin

  Witty, Sex, Believe

  35 Copy quote

• My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

  Bob Hope

  Witty, Sex, Father

  7 Copy quote

• Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

  Steve Martin

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  15 Copy quote

• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

  Bill Cosby

  Education, Sex, Believe

  96 Copy quote

• The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

  Truman Capote

  Witty, Sex, Good Things

  21 Copy quote

• Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.

  Angela Lambert

  Witty, Sex, Hands

  12 Copy quote

• There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.

  Norman Mailer

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  The International Herald Tribune, January 24, 1992.

  12 Copy quote

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• Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Sexy, Lying

  William Shakespeare (2006). “The Poems: Venus and Adonis, The Rape of Lucrece, The Phoenix and the Turtle, The Passionate Pilgrim, A Lover's Complaint”, p.100, Cambridge University Press

  50 Copy quote

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• Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

  Woody Allen

  Movie, Sex, Humorous

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

  28 Copy quote

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• My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

  Les Dawson

  Funny, Sexy, Sex Relationships

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  56 Copy quote

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• Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Sex, Goodness

  76 Copy quote

• I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

  Jay McInerney

  Love, Life, Witty

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2013

  126 Copy quote

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• Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Funny, Sexy

  Love and Death (motion picture) (1975)

  19 Copy quote

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• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Hilarious, Sexy

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 1 Dec. 1975

  43 Copy quote

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• The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Sex, Liberty

  86 Copy quote