Funny Wedding Advice Quotes

• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  87 Copy quote

• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Marriage, Pain

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.86, Crown Archetype

  18 Copy quote

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• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Names

  55 Copy quote

• Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

  Jean Kerr

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Jean Kerr (1962). “The Snake Has all the Lines”

  21 Copy quote

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• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  69 Copy quote

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  193 Copy quote

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  Forbes Magazine, Volume 166 (p. 156), 2000.

  67 Copy quote

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• 

  A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.32, BookBaby

  98 Copy quote

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• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  14 Copy quote

• Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

  Billy Connolly

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  Twitter post from Sep 12, 2011

  12 Copy quote

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• Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Marriage, People

  27 Copy quote

• you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

  Bill Maher

  Husband, Names, People

  2 Copy quote

• My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.

  Armistead Maupin

  Marriage, Mother, Couple

  Armistead Maupin (1989). “Tales of the city ; More tales of the city ; Further tales of the city: an omnibus”, Vintage

  3 Copy quote

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• Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

  Cass Daley

  Marriage, Wedding, Women

  3 Copy quote

• Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do.

  David Wilkerson

  Love, Relationship, Inspiring

  130 Copy quote

• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  48 Copy quote

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• When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

  Joseph Campbell

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Joseph Campbell, Bill Moyers (2011). “The Power of Myth”, p.7, Anchor

  64 Copy quote

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• Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.

  Simone Signoret

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  54 Copy quote

• A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Anniversary, Marriage, Wedding

  Attributed to "Essais" by Michel de Montaigne, Book I, Ch. 20, 1595.

  61 Copy quote

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• Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

  Joey Adams

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  Joey Adams (1957). “Cindy and I: The Real Life Adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Joey Adams”

  17 Copy quote

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• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

  59 Copy quote

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• No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

  H. L. Mencken

  Marriage, Men, Scotch Whisky

  21 Copy quote

• Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

  Joyce Brothers

  Love, Marriage, Spiritual

  25 Copy quote

• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  49 Copy quote

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• Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.

  Cher

  Love, Husband, Fire

  11 Copy quote