Humour Quotes - Page 14

• BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Physicians, Body

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.22, 谷月社

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• MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Animal, Path

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.167, University of Georgia Press

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• Prudent people are very happy; 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think.

  Mary Wortley Montagu

  Thinking, People, Prudent

  Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (1967). “1708-1720”

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• MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Dog, Science, Medicine

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.141, 谷月社

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• POTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific-and without science we are as the snakes and toads.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Country, Drinking, Science

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2484, Delphi Classics

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• GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Students, Medical

  The Devil's Dictionary

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• PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Hope, Dog, Health

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.181, University of Georgia Press

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• IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Liars, Science, Imagination

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.96, 谷月社

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• BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Block, Wine, Science

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.26, University of Georgia Press

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• It is well-known what a middleman is: he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Business, Party, Men

  Benjamin Disraeli, Edmund Gosse, Robert Arnot (1904). “The Works of Benjamin Disraeli, Earl of Beaconsfield, Embracing Novels, Romances, Plays, Poems, Biography, Short Stories and Great Speeches: Coningsby, v. 2. Selected speeches”

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• Throughout the history of commercial life nobody has ever quite liked the commission man. His function is too vague, his presence always seems one too many, his profit looks too easy, and even when you admit that he has a necessary function, you feel that this function is, as it were, a personification of something that in an ethical society would not need to exist. If people could deal with one another honestly, they would not need agents.

  Raymond Chandler

  Funny, Men, People

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• But to the particular species of excellence men are directed, not by an ascendant planet or predominating humour, but by the first book which they read, some early conversation which they heard, or some accident which excited ardour and emulation.

  Samuel Johnson

  Book, Men, Excellence

  Samuel Johnson (2009). “The Lives of the Poets: A Selection”, p.396, OUP Oxford

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• I've always been an optimist and I believe laughter is a wonderful thing

  Alice Herz-Sommer

  Laughter, Believe, Wonderful

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• LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Faith, Science, Hands

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.124, 谷月社

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• I think that London is very much like that. I find there's humour in the air and people are interesting. And I think that it's a place which is constantly surprising. The worst thing about it? I think it can be smug and aggressive.

  Colin Firth

  Thinking, Air, People

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• To run this business ... you need ... optimism, humanism, enthusiasm, intuition, curiosity, love, humour, magic and fun, and that secret ingredient-euph oria.

  Anita Roddick

  Running, Fun, Optimism

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• MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Clothes, Dinner

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.164, University of Georgia Press

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• GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Machines, Reason

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.81, 谷月社

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• As Aboriginal people we have always retained our resilience, our humour and our cultural integrity - we will always retain our dreams and a vision for the future for our people.

  Ken Wyatt

  Dream, Integrity, Future

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• A sense of humour is a sense of proportion.

  Khalil Gibran

  Proportion

  Khalil Gibran “The New Frontier and Sand and Foam”, Library of Alexandria

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• Faeries are not fantasy, but a connection to reality. Faeries are irrational, poetic, absurd, and very, very wise. Faeries say there is nonsense in dogma, and sense in nonsense. Faeries express themselves with high seriousness and low humour. Faeries are resistant to all definitions.

  Brian Froud

  Wise, Reality, Connections

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• PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Two, Shade

  Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.238, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Giving, Fool

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2492, Delphi Classics

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• RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Railroads, Purpose

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.176, 谷月社

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• TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Eye, Sacrifice, Science

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2526, Delphi Classics

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