Humour Quotes - Page 5

• A day without laughter is a day wasted.

  Charlie Chaplin

  Funny, Good Morning, Happiness

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• The real story of our times is seldom told in the horse-puckey-filled memoirs of dopey, self-serving presidents or generals, but in the outrageous, demented lives of guys like Lenny Bruce, Giordano Bruno, Scott Fitzgerald - and Paul Krassner. The burrs under society's saddle. The pains in the ass.

  Harlan Ellison

  Horse, Pain, Real

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• K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

  Harlan Ellison

  Nice, Civilization, History

  Harlan Ellison (2014). “Strange Wine: Stories”, p.102, Open Road Media

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• We need a war every 10 years, so we can stay match fit in case the Germans try again.

  Al Murray

  War, Years, History

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• Humour is, in fact, a prelude to faith; and laughter is the beginning of prayer … Laughter is swallowed up in prayer and humour is fulfilled by faith.

  Reinhold Niebuhr

  Laughter, Prayer, Facts

  Reinhold Niebuhr, (2013). “Discerning the Signs of the Times - Sermons for Today and Tomorrow”, p.72, Read Books Ltd

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• Among the gods, there is a dispute as to which one of them originally thought of Christianity; or, as they call it, the Great Leg Pull. Apollo has the best claim, but a sizeable minority support Pluto, ex-God of the Dead, on the grounds that he has a really sick sense of humour. How would it be, suggested the unidentified god, if first we tell them all to love their neighbour, pack in the killing and thieving, and be nice to each other. Then we let them start burning heretics.

  Tom Holt

  Nice, Sick, Support

  9 Copy quote

• I also ache at that thought your majesty... But if they do not offer the sacrifice in blood now, we will all pay dearly with added gallons later. So if some most die it is in a worthy cause.

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Sacrifice, Blood, History

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• Of course Overlord did not fail. How could it? With some many fine young men and women from all corners of the earth all determined to do their best to free a world gone half mad.

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Men, History, Mad

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• It takes all sorts to make a world - saints as well as soldiers.

  Anthony Anderson

  History, Soldier, Historical

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• Our men must win or die. Pompey's men have... other options.

  Julius Caesar

  Winning, Men, History

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• I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage: but doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.

  William Shakespeare

  Men, Thinking, Careers

  'Much Ado About Nothing' (1598-9) act 2, sc. 3, l. [262]

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• ...to speak of them out loud, to speak of their hunger and pain and loneliness and humour, to make them visible so that can not be ravaged in the dark without great consequence.

  Eve Ensler

  Pain, Loneliness, Dark

  Eve Ensler (1998). “The Vagina Monologues”, Villard Books

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• Tod laughed. He was always able to find the humour in even the creepiest situations. I'd thought that it was an undead thing, until I became a member of the undead. Then I realized it was a Tod-thing.

  Rachel Vincent

  Able, Members, Situation

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• I do not at all believe in human freedom in the philosophical sense... Schopenhauer’s saying, ‘A man can do what he wants, but not will what he wants,’ has been a very real inspiration to me since my youth; it has been a continual consolation in the face of life’s hardships, my own and others’, and an unfailing wellspring of tolerance. This realization mercifully mitigates the easily paralyzing sense of responsibility and prevents us from taking ourselves and other people too seriously; it is conducive to a view of life which, in part, gives humour its due.

  Albert Einstein

  Real, Believe, Philosophical

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• Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of "smartness"--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artificial.

  Mark Twain

  Humor, Space, Shooting Up

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• Optimism is the first cousin of love, and it's exactly like love in three ways: it's pushy, it has no real sense of humour, and it turns up where you least expect it.

  Gregory David Roberts

  Cousin, Real, Like Love

  Gregory David Roberts (2004). “Shantaram: A Novel”, p.84, Macmillan

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• You could ask me to teach you.” “Huh?” This night is getting weird in a hurry. “Teach me like you’re teaching a class or something? What are you going to call it: ‘You Too Can Be a Sociopath 101’?” “It would be more like a graduate-level class.” I start to snicker. His sense of humour sneaks up on you. Then I remember who’s talking and bite it off.

  Karen Marie Moning

  Teaching, Night, Talking

  Karen Marie Moning (2012). “Iced: Fever Series”, p.118, Delacorte Press

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• the growth of intimacy is like that. First one gives off his best picture, the bright and finished product mended with bluff and falsehood and humour. Then more details are required and one paints a second portrait, and a third – before long the best lines cancel out – and the secret is exposed at last; the planes of the pictures have intermingled and given us away, and though we paint and paint we can no longer sell a picture. We must be satisfied with hoping that such fatuous accounts of ourselves as we make to our wives and children and business associates are accepted as true

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Children, Giving, Wife

  F. Scott Fitzgerald (2013). “Three Novels: Tender is the Night; The Beautiful and Damned; Thi”, p.415, Simon and Schuster

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• Humour is...the all-consoling and...the all-excusing, grace of life.

  C. S. Lewis

  Grace, Consoling

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• Life is really very fantastic, and one has to have a peculiar sense of humour to see the fun of it. [Virtue]

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Fun, Peculiar, Life Is

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• It's all rot that they put in the war-news about the good humour of the troops, how they are arranging dances almost before they are out of the front-line. We don't act like that because we are in a good humour: we are in a good humour because otherwise we should go to pieces.

  Erich Maria Remarque

  War, Troops, News

  Erich Maria Remarque (2000). “All quiet on the western front and related readings”

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• Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then.

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Agents, Lawyer

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• I think it's like music for the sake of music, and a lot of the words stem from liking music a lot, wanting to be a good band and having a good sense of humour, and living in a situation where we're free to pretty much do what we want.

  Jon Fishman

  Thinking, Band, Want

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• It's vital to keep a sense of humour when the world seems to have suddenly become a very strange place.

  Michael Grant

  Strange Places, World, Seems

  Michael Grant (2014). “Gone Series Complete Collection: Gone, Hunger, Lies, Plague, Fear, Light”, p.69, Harper Collins

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• You need to know where to go,' Sanya said. 'Yes,' 'And you are going to consult four large pizzas for guidance.' 'Yes,' I said. ...'There is, I think, humour here which does not translate well from English into sanity.' 'That's pretty rich coming from the agnostic Knight of the Cross with a holy Sword who takes his orders from an archangel.' I said. - Harry Dresden & Sanya, Changes, Jim Butcher

  Jim Butcher

  Thinking, Knights, Order

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