Humour Quotes - Page 4

• Now that their long war was over, they could get on with the proper concern of all civilised nations, which is to prepare for the next one.

  Terry Pratchett

  War, Long, History

  4 Copy quote

• Lincoln would be just like me. He wouldn't know what the hell to do.

  George W. Norris

  History, Historical, Would Be

  6 Copy quote

• I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.

  John Oliver

  Dream, Jobs, Sorry

  10 Copy quote

• I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage: but doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.

  William Shakespeare

  Men, Thinking, Careers

  'Much Ado About Nothing' (1598-9) act 2, sc. 3, l. [262]

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• We had to do the same thing here. To top that sequel was quite a task. Mike had a couple of good conceptual humour and character ideas, which got me back into it.

  Jay Roach

  Couple, Character, Ideas

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• I knew the man up until our divorce - after that I didn't know the man, but it didn't stop me caring about him and worrying because of the complete change that I saw in him. He'd lost his sense of humour and he got aggressive; he wasn't for the world any more, he was just for Yoko. Before that he opened his arms and embraced the world with his wit and humour - afterwards he was a completely different kind of person.

  Cynthia Lennon

  Divorce, Caring, Men

  21 Copy quote

• When you say to yourself, 'I am going to have a pleasant visit or a pleasant journey,' you are literally sending elements and forces ahead of your body that will arrange things to make your visit or journey pleasant. When before the visit or the journey or the shopping trip you are in a bad humour, or fearful or apprehensive of something unpleasant, you are sending unseen agencies ahead of you which will make some kind of unpleasantness. Our thoughts, or in other words, our state of mind, is ever at work 'fixing up' things good or bad in advance.

  Prentice Mulford

  Journey, Agency, Shopping

  Prentice Mulford (2015). “Thoughts Are Things & The God In You - Connect With The Force Within Yourself: How to Find With Your Inner Power - From one of the New Thought pioneers, author of Your Forces and How to Use Them, Gift of Spirit & The Gift of Understanding”, p.149, e-artnow

  93 Copy quote

  Show source

• Humour ended up being a really useful skill when it came time to be an international television celebrity.

  Carson Kressley

  Skills, Television, International

  4 Copy quote

• The real story of our times is seldom told in the horse-puckey-filled memoirs of dopey, self-serving presidents or generals, but in the outrageous, demented lives of guys like Lenny Bruce, Giordano Bruno, Scott Fitzgerald - and Paul Krassner. The burrs under society's saddle. The pains in the ass.

  Harlan Ellison

  Horse, Pain, Real

  8 Copy quote

• You can decide to invade Russia at dinner, pick Waterloo for battle on a whim. It's the details, the small stuff. Its easy to gamble a million lives. Whats hard is to see how that can hurt one single person. And if you cant keep that straight, hell, you'll lose your humanity.

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Hurt, Russia, History

  9 Copy quote

• From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

  Ade Edmondson

  People, Age, Roaring

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• In terms of love, you're not in control and I hate that feeling. I seem to write a lot of sad songs because I'm a very tragic person. But there's always an element of humour at the end.

  Freddie Mercury

  Song, Hate, Love You

  "I am the Champion". Interview with Nick Farrari, The Sun, www.queenarchives.com. July 19, 1985.

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Men, Thieves

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.57, 谷月社

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• What about snipers?" I once asked someone. He said, "Oh, most of the snipers have automatic weapon. They arent very accurate.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  History, Historical, Weapons

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of P.J. O'Rourke”, p.146, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• And that is how we intend to destroy the enemy!" The superior shakes his head wearily. "Young man, the Soviets are our adversary. The Navy is the enemy.

  David Frum

  Men, History, Historical

  4 Copy quote

• We need a war every 10 years, so we can stay match fit in case the Germans try again.

  Al Murray

  War, Years, History

  10 Copy quote

• The midwife of history is violence.

  Franz Joseph I of Austria

  History, Historical, Violence

  22 Copy quote

• I spent more time in America, but I developed a very English sense of humour. I clicked into it deeply with Peter Sellers, who is still probably my favourite comedian.

  Christopher Guest

  America, Comedian, Favourite

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Rights, Two Nations, History

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.28, University of Georgia Press

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• It's vital to keep a sense of humour when the world seems to have suddenly become a very strange place.

  Michael Grant

  Strange Places, World, Seems

  Michael Grant (2014). “Gone Series Complete Collection: Gone, Hunger, Lies, Plague, Fear, Light”, p.69, Harper Collins

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• the growth of intimacy is like that. First one gives off his best picture, the bright and finished product mended with bluff and falsehood and humour. Then more details are required and one paints a second portrait, and a third – before long the best lines cancel out – and the secret is exposed at last; the planes of the pictures have intermingled and given us away, and though we paint and paint we can no longer sell a picture. We must be satisfied with hoping that such fatuous accounts of ourselves as we make to our wives and children and business associates are accepted as true

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Children, Giving, Wife

  F. Scott Fitzgerald (2013). “Three Novels: Tender is the Night; The Beautiful and Damned; Thi”, p.415, Simon and Schuster

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• My humour and my work ethic definitely come from my Scottish side, and I have to say the sense of humour doesn't really translate when I'm in America.

  John Barrowman

  America, Work Ethic, Sides

  7 Copy quote

• K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

  Harlan Ellison

  Nice, Civilization, History

  Harlan Ellison (2014). “Strange Wine: Stories”, p.102, Open Road Media

  34 Copy quote

  Show source

• Humour is, in fact, a prelude to faith; and laughter is the beginning of prayer … Laughter is swallowed up in prayer and humour is fulfilled by faith.

  Reinhold Niebuhr

  Laughter, Prayer, Facts

  Reinhold Niebuhr, (2013). “Discerning the Signs of the Times - Sermons for Today and Tomorrow”, p.72, Read Books Ltd

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Among the gods, there is a dispute as to which one of them originally thought of Christianity; or, as they call it, the Great Leg Pull. Apollo has the best claim, but a sizeable minority support Pluto, ex-God of the Dead, on the grounds that he has a really sick sense of humour. How would it be, suggested the unidentified god, if first we tell them all to love their neighbour, pack in the killing and thieving, and be nice to each other. Then we let them start burning heretics.

  Tom Holt

  Nice, Sick, Support

  9 Copy quote