Humour Quotes - Page 3

• My father used to brag that I wasn't a ham, I was the whole pig.

  Jim Carrey

  Father, Pigs, Ham

  Commencement Speech at Maharishi University of Management, www.mum.edu. May 24, 2014.

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• I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right.

  Billy Crystal

  Feet, Feels Right, Ifs

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• Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

  Alan Bennett

  Inspirational, Funny, Wall

  Alan Bennett (2008). “Alan Bennett Plays 1: Forty Years On, Getting On, Habeas Corpus and Enjoy”, p.53, Faber & Faber

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• He laughs best whose laugh lasts.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Laughing, Lasts

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• It's a great historical joke that when the Spanish met the Aztecs, it was a blind date made in serve-you-right heaven. At the time, they were the two most unpleasant cultures in the entire world, and richly deserved each other. Still, the story of how stout Cortes blustered, bullied and bludgeoned his way to collapsing an entire empire with a handful of contagious hoodlums is astonishing.

  A. A. Gill

  Two, History, Heaven

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• The world belongs to those who set out to conquer it armed with self confidence and good humour.

  Charles Dickens

  Self Confidence, World, Conquer

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• The wise man doesn't give the right answers, he poses the right questions.

  Claude Levi-Strauss

  Inspirational, Wise, Wisdom

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• Humour is but the faint terrestrial echo of the hideous laughter of the blind mad gods that squat leeringly and sardonically in caverns beyond the Milky Way. It is a hollow thing, sweet on the outside, but filled with the pathos of fruitless aspiration.

  H. P. Lovecraft

  Sweet, Laughter, Echoes

  "Collected Essays, Volume 5: Philosophy" edited by S. T. Joshi, (p. 54), 2006.

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• Please go on, make your threats. I don't like to submit to mere implication.

  Marcus Tullius Cicero

  History, Historical, Goes On

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• Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.

  Lord Chesterfield

  Funny, Humor, Soil

  Lord Chesterfield, David Roberts (2008). “Lord Chesterfield's Letters”, p.109, Oxford University Press

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• Humour is human. Why? Well, because the Philosopher, Aristotle, says so.

  Simon Critchley

  Philosopher, Wells, Humans

  Simon Critchley (2011). “On Humour”, p.34, Routledge

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• Cling tight to your sense of humour. You will need it every day.

  T. E. Lawrence

  Needs

  T. E. Lawrence (2015). “The Collected Works of Lawrence of Arabia (Unabridged): Seven Pillars of Wisdom + The Mint + The Evolution of a Revolt + Complete Letters (Including Translations of The Odyssey and The Forest Giant)”, p.1260, e-artnow

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• One minute I'm exactly what Churchill described me the most powerful man in history. Now the Order's given, hell; I'm just audience front row center to the shoe. But a Corporal on Juno, a Private on Utah there the ones who will affect the outcome not me. It's up to them now.

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Powerful, Men, Order

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• When you say to yourself, 'I am going to have a pleasant visit or a pleasant journey,' you are literally sending elements and forces ahead of your body that will arrange things to make your visit or journey pleasant. When before the visit or the journey or the shopping trip you are in a bad humour, or fearful or apprehensive of something unpleasant, you are sending unseen agencies ahead of you which will make some kind of unpleasantness. Our thoughts, or in other words, our state of mind, is ever at work 'fixing up' things good or bad in advance.

  Prentice Mulford

  Journey, Agency, Shopping

  Prentice Mulford (2015). “Thoughts Are Things & The God In You - Connect With The Force Within Yourself: How to Find With Your Inner Power - From one of the New Thought pioneers, author of Your Forces and How to Use Them, Gift of Spirit & The Gift of Understanding”, p.149, e-artnow

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• My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.

  Carl Hiaasen

  Anger, Soapbox, Angry

  "Carl Hiaasen: 'My humour has always come from anger'". Interview With Euan Ferguson, www.theguardian.com. March 5, 2011.

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• What is really important to me is a sense of humour and a mischief about life. Life is just too boring otherwise.

  Mira Nair

  Important, Life Is, Boring

  Interview with Bonnie Greer, www.theguardian.com. June 12, 2002.

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• I knew the man up until our divorce - after that I didn't know the man, but it didn't stop me caring about him and worrying because of the complete change that I saw in him. He'd lost his sense of humour and he got aggressive; he wasn't for the world any more, he was just for Yoko. Before that he opened his arms and embraced the world with his wit and humour - afterwards he was a completely different kind of person.

  Cynthia Lennon

  Divorce, Caring, Men

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• Once I asked Teichman what he thought of Bird's chess: "Same as his health," he replied, "always alternating between being dangerously ill and dangerously well."

  William Ewart Napier

  Bird, Chess, Ill

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• What we need are lots of girls who aren't as good as us, who'll treat us with the proper respect and reverance.

  David Norwood

  Girl, Needs, Chess

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• Humour is the shortest road from one person to another.

  Georges Wolinski

  Persons

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• Humour ended up being a really useful skill when it came time to be an international television celebrity.

  Carson Kressley

  Skills, Television, International

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• It's vital to keep a sense of humour when the world seems to have suddenly become a very strange place.

  Michael Grant

  Strange Places, World, Seems

  Michael Grant (2014). “Gone Series Complete Collection: Gone, Hunger, Lies, Plague, Fear, Light”, p.69, Harper Collins

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• Comedy is the most difficult. Comic timing is something which you either have it in you, or you don't. You have to have a good sense of humour to be able to understand it. A split second can make you lose the punch.

  Deepika Padukone

  Splits, Able, Comedy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Imperfection, Wicked

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.57, University of Georgia Press

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• But alas! Like many another consummation devoutly to be wished, the actual performance was a disappointing one.

  Fred Reinfeld

  Chess, Disappointing, Performances

  Fred Reinfeld (2012). “The Immortal Games of Capablanca”, p.10, Courier Corporation

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