Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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