Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
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