Marriage Jokes Quotes

• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  62 Copy quote

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• In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

  Woody Allen

  Marriage, Funny Love, Best Love

  18 Copy quote

• Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Sexy

  92 Copy quote

• Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

  Bill Cosby

  Love, Family, Marriage

  Twitter post from Nov 04, 2009

  15 Copy quote

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• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

  Sam Kinison

  Marriage, Wedding Anniversary, Years

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  96 Copy quote

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• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  104 Copy quote

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• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  20 Copy quote

• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

  Hemant Joshi

  Marriage, Clever, Husband

  37 Copy quote

• Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

  Henny Youngman

  Wife, Losing, Impossible

  8 Copy quote

• A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  A Guide to Men prelude (1922)

  14 Copy quote

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• A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Anniversary, Marriage, Wedding

  Attributed to "Essais" by Michel de Montaigne, Book I, Ch. 20, 1595.

  75 Copy quote

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• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

  25 Copy quote

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• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Names

  62 Copy quote

• Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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• She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Yelling

  11 Copy quote

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

  72 Copy quote

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• My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Cute, Boyfriend

  19 Copy quote

• A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  In Newsweek 28 Mar. 1960, p. 89

  170 Copy quote

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• It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

  Robert Frost

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  24 Copy quote

• The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  119 Copy quote

• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

  William J. Clinton

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  5 Copy quote

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

  Milton Berle

  Love, Marriage, Husband

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  56 Copy quote

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• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America". Book by Lawrence J. Epstein, 2001.

  32 Copy quote

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• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Marriage, Pain

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.86, Crown Archetype

  28 Copy quote

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• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  31 Copy quote

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