I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
If it doesn't sell, it isn't creative.
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.
There is one thing even more vital to science than intelligent methods; and that is, the sincere desire to find out the truth, whatever it may be.
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.
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