Witty Quotes - Page 21

• I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Phoenix, California

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Freedom, Believe

  Quoted in Wall Street Journal, 26 May 1989

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• For NASA, space is still a high priority.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Science, Space

  Esquire, Remarks to NASA employees, August 1992.

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• It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Stupid, Political

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• This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Recovery, Political

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• The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other.

  Dan Quayle

  Political, Middle East, Importance

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• It's never just a game when you're winning.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

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• Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.

  D. J. MacHale

  Kids, Warrior, Leader

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• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

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• A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

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• Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

  Woody Allen

  Self Esteem, Humorous, Notches

  "Fictional character: Isaac". "Manhattan", 1979.

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• Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Clever, Women

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• Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

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• I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Geek, Indifference

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• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Trying

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• The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Travel, Work, Humorous

  Henry David Thoreau (2016). “Walden”, p.52, Xist Publishing

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• The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christian, Sarcastic

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• Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Heart, Ozone

  "Mighty Aphrodite". www.imdb.com. 1995.

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• Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• The wicked at heart probably know something.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Heart, Wicked

  Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

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• And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Parenting, Rooms

  In Eric Lax Woody Allen and his Comedy (1975) ch. 1

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• Talking to oneself, I have often thought, is the best way to be sure of intelligent and witty conversation.

  Grant Morrison

  Intelligent, Talking, Way

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• My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Teacher, School

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• I am neither Christian enough nor charitable enough to like anybody just because he is alive and breathing. I want people to interest or amuse me. I want them fascinating and witty or so dul as to be different. I want them either intellectually stimulating or wonderfully corny; perfectly charming or hundred percent stinker. I like my chosen companions to be distinguishable from the undulating masses and I don't care how.

  Betty MacDonald

  Christian, Breathing, People

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