My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It was the experience of mystery - even if mixed with fear - that engendered religion.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men - the man he is and the man he wants to be.
What I don't like is snark for snark's sake. If you are going to make fun of me, at least be witty while doing it.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
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