Witty Quotes - Page 19

• I don't believe any experiment until it is confirmed by theory. I find this is a witty inversion of "conventional" wisdom.

  Arthur Eddington

  Believe, Theory, Inversions

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• For me, a male image that I'm really moved by is somewhere between of Oscar Wilde type of a male: the fop, the long hair, the suits, too witty for his own good, incredibly smart, scathingly funny - all that. But then my other ideal is more like the Buddhist monk - the shaved head, actually someone who sublimates their sexuality.

  Madonna Ciccone

  Buddhist, Smart, Hair

  Aperture Magazine, 1999.

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• How often, when we have been nearest each other bodily, have we really been farthest off! Our tongues were the witty foils with which we fenced each other off.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Tongue, Conversation, Has Beens

  Henry David Thoreau (2014). “Familiar Letters (Annotated Edition)”, p.32, Jazzybee Verlag

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• It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Humorous, Media

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• Everything deep is also simple and can be reproduced simply as long as its reference to the whole truth is maintained. But what matters is not what is witty but what is true.

  Albert Schweitzer

  Family, Long Distance Relationship, True Friend

  Albert Schweitzer (2015). “The Light Within Us”, p.3, Open Road Media

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• The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all

  Leo Buscaglia

  Funny, Risk

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• Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Annie Hall, Teach

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

  Woody Allen

  Funny Life, Hate, Humorous

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• I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, New Year, Humorous

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• It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Humor, People

  Oscar Wilde (2014). “A Critic in Pall Mall: Being Extracts from Reviews and Miscellanies”, p.147, Simon and Schuster

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• The Law is a grim, unsmiling thing. Not Justice, though. Justice is witty and whimsical and kind and caring.

  Rohinton Mistry

  Caring, Law, Justice

  Rohinton Mistry (2008). “A Fine Balance”, p.563, Faber & Faber

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• Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Honey, Copies

  "Fictional character: Bob". "Everyone Says I Love You", 1996.

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• I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Real

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

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• Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Confidence, Humorous

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• Facts are the enemy of truth.

  Miguel de Cervantes

  Humorous, Inspiration, Enemy

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• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Mother

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• Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.

  J. K. Rowling

  Inspirational, Beauty, Wise

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• Any one who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

  John von Neumann

  Powerful, Humorous, Science

  "Various techniques used in connection with random digits" by John von Neumann in "Monte Carlo Method" edited by A.S. Householder, G.E. Forsythe and H.H. Germond, 1951.

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• Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN

  Bill Watterson

  Two, Remember, Retorts

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• If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Humorous, Littles

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• I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Absurd

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• Whatever it is, I'm against it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Inspiration

  Horse Feathers (motion picture) (1932). Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S. J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby.

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• I can levitate birds. No one cares.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Bird, Care

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• I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Hero, Humorous

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• I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.

  Woody Allen

  New York, Humorous, Paris

  Woody Allen, Robert E. Kapsis, Kathie Coblentz (2006). “Woody Allen: Interviews”, p.160, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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