If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
or simply:
