My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends
or simply: