Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
To the eye of failure success is an accident.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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