Christopher Titus Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

How far would you go for someone you love ? Well, when my grandkids ask me how I pledged my love to their grandma, I'll say, I told her I would die for her, after I found out I didn't have an incurable disease. Then, I ran away while grandma was getting her ass kicked by a pregnant woman that grandpa slept with. You never know when you're making a memory.

Christopher Titus

Memories, Grandma, Grandpa

"Titus / The Test". www.imdb.com. 2000.

6 Copy quote
Everyone's a racist. It's the one thing that makes us all the same.

Christopher Titus

Racism, Racist, One Thing

"Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

5 Copy quote
Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the mall with you... he... loves you.

Christopher Titus

Love, Girl, Men

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

6 Copy quote
My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."

Christopher Titus

Mom, Husband, Dad

"Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

5 Copy quote
Sometimes, to help the people you love, you've gotta commit a felony.

Christopher Titus

Love You, People, Helping

"Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

6 Copy quote
Texas is killing people in the 73rd trimester.

Christopher Titus

Texas, People, Killing

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

6 Copy quote
You don't give out trophies for losing. Trophies for sucking. That's a communist idea. You don't get a trophy for losing. You get a piece of pizza and you shut up. Trophies for losing? What the hell happened to us?

Christopher Titus

Ideas, Giving, Trophies

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

5 Copy quote
Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.

Christopher Titus

Jobs, Home, Calling

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

5 Copy quote
Losing builds character. You know who said that? A loser! Guy who got his ass stomped every day, basketball, football, baseball, lose, lose, lose and lose. All right, I'm talking about me.

Christopher Titus

Basketball, Baseball, Football

"Titus / Shannon's Song"". www.imdb.com. 2001.

7 Copy quote
I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.

Christopher Titus

Moving, Thinking, Psychosis

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

7 Copy quote
Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. The pilgrims came here with the best intentions. They decided to flee an oppressive people and move to a new land. Where they thrived. And became an oppressive people. You get certain people on the same continent, there's going to be a problem. Pilgrims and Indians. Protestants, Catholics. My family, anybody else's family.

Christopher Titus

Moving, Holiday, Land

"Titus / The Perfect Thanksgiving". www.imdb.com. 2000.

6 Copy quote
In 1998, in Laramie, Wyoming, two guys beat up Matthew Shepard and left him on the side of the road hanging on the fence to die. They killed him, because Matthew Shepard was gay. They killed him, because Matthew Shepard was gay? They killed him.

Christopher Titus

Gay, Two, Wyoming

"Titus / Tommy's Not Gay". www.imdb.com. 2001.

7 Copy quote
When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.

Christopher Titus

Blood, Perfect, Nostalgic

"Titus / Sex with Pudding". www.imdb.com. 2000.

10 Copy quote
Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

Christopher Titus

Dad, Fighting

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

7 Copy quote
Losing builds character. So, if you're the loser in your family, don't worry. 'Cos twenty years form now, that perfect can do no wrong brother of yours is going to show up at your house, bald, fat, divorced, with six kids who all hate him and he's going to ask you for money. And because of your character, you're going to look him right in the eyes and you're going to say, You know what, I'll give you some money. If you mow my lawn and detail my car. Oh yeah, then you can shampoo the tail. Loser.

Christopher Titus

Brother, Hate, Character

"Titus / Shannon's Song". www.imdb.com. 2001.

7 Copy quote
Step up or step aside.

Christopher Titus

Steps, Step Up

"5th Annual End of the World Tour", www.imdb.com. 2007.

8 Copy quote
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!

Christopher Titus

Prayer, Father, Should

"Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

8 Copy quote
I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album.

Christopher Titus

Daughter, Cameras, Albums

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

9 Copy quote
My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.

Christopher Titus

Dad, Mad, Car

"5th Annual End of the World Tour". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2007.

10 Copy quote
By the way, six A.M.? Not a real great time for me; you know, I'm a comic. I get off work at two. Six A.M., I'm a little grumpy. Six A.M., I'm a little P.O.ed. Six A.M., I'm like a vampire with a paper route.

Christopher Titus

Real, Two, Vampire

"Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". www.imdb.com. 2004.

4 Copy quote
This horrible decade where all of us men tried to be individual rebels... by wearing the exact same flaming skull on a bedazzled Ed Hardy thermal. I have three of them, I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing with you.

Christopher Titus

Men, Skulls, Laughing

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

6 Copy quote
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.

Christopher Titus

Giving, Mind, Dollars

4 Copy quote
And people get so weird about mental illness, you follow the rules! You don't up a heart patient on a roller coaster, you don't put a mental patient on a hunting trip with you!

Christopher Titus

Heart, Hunting, People

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

4 Copy quote
My mom had this inate ability. Whatever town my mother moved to, the second she walked into town, she would instantly attract the alpha loser of that town. This guy was not a good guy. This guy was half O.J. Simpson and half O.J. Simpson. Scott Peterson sprinkles on the top, a side of Robert Blake. You know, not a good guy.

Christopher Titus

Mom, Mother, Guy

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

9 Copy quote
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.

Christopher Titus

Philosophy, Philosophical, Passion

"Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

7 Copy quote

You May Also Like:

Bill Burr

Christopher Titus

Follow

Born: October 1, 1964
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

Popular Topics