Christopher Titus Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• Vengeance, is good. You give it, you get it. It's all part of what makes us human. So thank god for vengeance. Otherwise, the human race might as well just roll over and let another species for a while. I think it will be the cats. Watch 'em. They're cooking up something.

  Christopher Titus

  Cat, Thinking, Race

  "Titus / Same Courtesy". www.imdb.com. 2002.

  4 Copy quote

• Sisters ruin everything. It's in their job description.

  Christopher Titus

  Jobs, Ruins, Description

  "Titus / Same Courtesy". www.imdb.com. 2002.

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• Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should. But they always work out. I'm thankful that the world's in perfect harmony at all times. Pilgrims had it tough. But now, we live in the strongest, most prosperous country in the world. And the Indians, well, you know.

  Christopher Titus

  Country, Holiday, Thinking

  "Titus / The Perfect Thanksgiving". www.imdb.com. 2000.

  4 Copy quote

• My mom was crazy. And her mom was crazy. And her mom's mom was crazy. Is it my turn? Am I going to live the rest of my life giggling at raindrops, wearing paper slippers ? When I go to dinner with friends, should I not use a fork 'cause I just might snap? Hey, you guys look great. How's the baby?

  Christopher Titus

  Baby, Crazy, Dinner With Friends

  "Titus / Insanity Genetic: Part 2". www.imdb.com. 2002.

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• How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car off of her baby. 'Course I would have said, Dude! Back up. But, wasn't my kid. When I was born, if I'd have known all the stuff my dad was going to do for me, I'd have crawled right back in.

  Christopher Titus

  Baby, Dad, Kids

  "Titus / The Test". www.imdb.com. 2000.

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• In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake and a party. My family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment and destruction of private property. Sometimes we have cake. We're not losers.

  Christopher Titus

  Party, Mean, Cake

  "Titus / The Surprise Party". www.imdb.com. 2000.

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• My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Father, Beer

  "The Reconciliation". "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000.

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• Humans are born, small, weak and helpless. That's why we have family. And the elders of the family are the honoured guardians of our country's history. Unfortunately, in America, we, you know, lock those elders away out of view in nursing homes and go about our little lives. It's a great national shame and an irredeemable tragedy. Oh well.

  Christopher Titus

  Country, Home, Nursing

  "Grandma Titus". "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2002.

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• So what if your custom car shop tanks and you've gotta take a crappy job at an auto parts store, dealing with ignorant, pushy people. I'm okay with that, 'cause I'm an ignorant, pushy people person.

  Christopher Titus

  Jobs, People, Car

  "Titus / Life Forward". www.imdb.com. 2001.

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• Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!

  Christopher Titus

  Pigs, Two, Three

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.

  Christopher Titus

  Men, Racism, Looks

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.

  Christopher Titus

  Light, People, Answers

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.

  Christopher Titus

  Japan, Perfect, Laughing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Terrorists, oh I'm sorry, Fox News tells us it's all illegal immagration's fault but it's not their fault, it's ours.

  Christopher Titus

  Sorry, News, Faults

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• Osama's dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Can't I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer?

  Christopher Titus

  Cancer, Shoes, Rays

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• At the millennium we partied like it was 1999. And then we had a 10 year bathtub tequila hangover, man. Just hugging the metaphorical toilet on a daily basis.

  Christopher Titus

  Hangover, Men, Years

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• How come Mom is crazy and I'm not? Well, it's possible my mom could stand up in front of this many people and talk about all the crap in her life and those people could have sat around and laughed with her, it would've meant nothing and she could have moved on cool. It's also possible she could have taken out the whole front row with a large-caliber weapon.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Crazy, Taken

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?

  Christopher Titus

  Doe, Crap, Dies

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Born free. Taxed to death.

  Christopher Titus

  Philosophy, Philosophical, Born

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• The government favors the most diplomatic language. That's why any letter to them should always start with, "Dear turkeys and foul maggots..."

  Christopher Titus

  Philosophy, Government, Turkeys

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• We are brought into this world cold, weak, and helpless. Then it gets worse.

  Christopher Titus

  Philosophy, Philosophical, World

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