Christopher Titus Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• If you want something bad enough, you've got to make a bold move. Just make sure you clear the bold move with the people whose lives it's going to affect. Like George Washington, had to get all those guys who the British killed to agree to die. Neil Armstrong, had to crank a couple of elbows into Buzz Aldrin's face mask to make sure he got on the moon first. And Christopher Titus, well, he worked his dad for five grand. Ha ha. Who can't support who ? I know, it's complicated.

  Christopher Titus

  Couple, Dad, Moving

  "The Gift of the Car Guy". "Titus" (TV Series), m.imdb.com. 2001.

  9 Copy quote

• My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.

  Christopher Titus

  Hurt, Truth, Dad

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  7 Copy quote

• Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented the all-meat diet... died a vegetable. That's a damn good joke. But that joke's like a Toyota Camry - reliable, not inspiring.

  Christopher Titus

  Men, Vegetables, Ice

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  11 Copy quote

• I have a dream! Because I have lived a nightmare.

  Christopher Titus

  Dream, Nightmare

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copy quote

• No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.

  Christopher Titus

  Philosophy, Philosophical, Problem

  9 Copy quote

• I bet a guy at a bar 50 bucks that I was more dysfunctional than he was. He raped me. So I tipped him. I'm very competitive.

  Christopher Titus

  Guy, Bars, Bucks

  "Norman Rockwell is Bleeding". Comedy, Documentary, 2004.

  10 Copy quote

• I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.

  Christopher Titus

  Limits, Patriot, Speed

  "Neverlution". Comedy, 2011.

  8 Copy quote

• There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says "We've got a family members of yours under arrest" and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Night, Police

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  9 Copy quote

• Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who are exactly like us. And it doesn't matter. White. Black. Red. Yellow. Purple, uh oh, the purple people, are the worst. Man. All prejudiced and birth marky. But, we've got to learn to get past our differences. I learned that at the museum of tolerance. After my dad beat the crap out of a guy over a parking spot.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Past, Men

  "Titus / Too Damn Good". www.imdb.com. 2001.

  7 Copy quote

• The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.

  Christopher Titus

  Powerful, Lying, Secret

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  5 Copy quote

• Valentines Day is the day we celebrate real love. A love so strong that two hearts become one. And when she's happy, you're happy. And when she's angry, you can still choose to be happy, 'cos, what's her deal ? You know, I'm happy. Why is she bringing me down, you know ? Oh great, now look, I'm getting all mad. I hope she's happy. Happy Valentine's Day.

  Christopher Titus

  Valentines Day, Strong, Real

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• God bless America. But God, please help Canada.

  Christopher Titus

  Philosophy, Philosophical, America

  5 Copy quote

• If you want something bad enough, you've got to make a bold move. George Washington, took on the British Empire. Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Ken Titus taped a hotel key to his underwear to score with an airport security guard.

  Christopher Titus

  Moving, Moon, Keys

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  13 Copy quote

• The Los Angeles Times reported that sixty-three percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Good. 'Cause that means when Armageddon really happens, thirty-seven percent of this population is going to lose their minds. Oh my God, the world is over! Us sixty-three percent? We're going to go, Hey... there's no one watching the Lexus dealership! We're going to the Apocalypse with leather and a CD changer! You guys have been great. Thank you.

  Christopher Titus

  Mean, Cds, Guy

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

  9 Copy quote

• Thomas Jefferson said, The tree of liberty must be fertilized from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Yeah and I heard that and thought, I'm out!

  Christopher Titus

  Blood, Tyrants, Tree

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• You know what, man? I am going to literally — if (Palin) gets elected president, I am going to hang out on the grassy knoll all the time, just loaded and ready — because you know what? It’s for my country. It’s for my country. If I got to sacrifice myself, it’s for my country.

  Christopher Titus

  Country, Sacrifice, Men

  7 Copy quote

• A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Praying Mantis, Black

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  8 Copy quote

• Blood doesn't make you family. Hell, an only child can bleed. It's the sharing of pain that makes you family. 'Cause, you can't really love a brother or sister until you know that they're as scarred and broken as you are. And, hey, if you grow up with a father like mine and you aren't at least a little scarred and broken, well then, that's not your father. You were spawned by an entirely different guy.

  Christopher Titus

  Brother, Growing Up, Pain

  "Titus / Tommy's Crush". www.imdb.com. 2002.

  5 Copy quote

• To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. But, growing up, my Dad was always positive... that I'd never amount to anything.

  Christopher Titus

  Success, Growing Up, Dad

  "The Smell of Success". "Titus" (TV Series), m.imdb.com. 2001.

  4 Copy quote

• Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.

  Christopher Titus

  Crazy, Real, Kids

  "Titus / The Visit". www.imdb.com. 2002.

  4 Copy quote

• Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.

  Christopher Titus

  England, Should, Should I

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  4 Copy quote

• My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Beer

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  6 Copy quote

• When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

  Christopher Titus

  Parent, Born, Mets

  "Titus / Sex with Pudding". www.imdb.com. 2000.

  4 Copy quote

• I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.

  Christopher Titus

  Sleep, People, Mets

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". www.imdb.com. 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.

  Christopher Titus

  Drink, My Family, Goodness

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  5 Copy quote

Page 4 of 8

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin