Jay Leno Quotes - Page 26

Quotes about:

• General Colin Powell shocked a lot of people in Washington by speaking out against President Bush's policies, saying that the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism. That's what I think he said - it was hard to hear him because he was being hustled out of the room to his cell in Guantanamo Bay.

  Jay Leno

  Fighting, Thinking, Cells

  4 Copy quote

• Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.

  Jay Leno

  Baby, Father, Boys

  4 Copy quote

• At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad, if the presidential election were held today, Al Gore would still lose.

  Jay Leno

  Years, Yesterday, Presidential

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• Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.

  Jay Leno

  Children, Men, Nba

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• First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring... soon after... comes Suffer...ring!

  Jay Leno

  Marriage, Promise, Suffering

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• If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"

  Jay Leno

  Devil, Doe, Would Be

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• I believe engineers will save the world.

  Jay Leno

  Believe, Car, World

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• I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go.

  Jay Leno

  Kids, Car, Born

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• At Ken Lay's funeral service the minister compared him to Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior. The difference is Dr. King had a dream, Ken Lay had a scheme.

  Jay Leno

  Dream, Kings, Differences

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• Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton is now facing a kind of personal dilemma. She can't decide whether to drop the name Clinton from her name, or drop the name Rodham. They can't figure out which one is more embarrassing.

  Jay Leno

  Names, Kind, Embarrassing

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• With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Halloween, Weekend

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• And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most campaign speeches given in one day. He gave 21 speeches in one day. Of course, we have to take his word for it, because of course, there are no witnesses.

  Jay Leno

  One Day, Campaigns, Records

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• Soup is probably a way associated with screwing you outside of a meal.

  Jay Leno

  Meals, Soup, Way

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• You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid.

  Jay Leno

  Meg, Maids, Common

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• They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates said Microsoft has enough missiles to destroy North Korea ten times over.

  Jay Leno

  Korea, Microsoft, Bills

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• Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

  Jay Leno

  Anchors, White, House

  7 Copy quote

• The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too.

  Jay Leno

  Powerful, Weekend, Thank God

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• North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. You can see they're stepping it up. In fact, they released 10 more photos of Kim Jong Un looking through binoculars.

  Jay Leno

  War, Korea, Facts

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• If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate you. They just don't like your product. I think that's a mistake a lot of people in show business make.. they're so tied to their act they take everything personally.

  Jay Leno

  Hate, Mistake, Mean

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• Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control.

  Jay Leno

  Religious, Prayer, School

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• When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'

  Jay Leno

  Fun, Oil, President

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• I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that? In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar.'

  Jay Leno

  Home, Reality, America

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• How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Kids, Earth

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• As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think about it - it was written by very smart people, it's served us well for over two hundred years, and besides, we're not using it anymore.

  Jay Leno

  Smart, Thinking, Two

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• The nation's largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to 'screw you.'

  Jay Leno

  Stupid, Names, Facts

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