Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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