Funny Holiday Quotes

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  Love, Christmas, Xmas

  Hamilton Wright Mabie (1900). “My study fire: first series”

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• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Christmas, Education

  A Christmas Carol stave 4 (1843)

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• Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

  Kin Hubbard

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

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• What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Jobs, Xmas

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• Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

  Calvin Coolidge

  Christmas, Xmas, Real

  "Chicken soup for the soul Christmas treasury for kids" by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen, Irene Dunlap, HCI, (p. 1), 2002.

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• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christmas, Girl

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• Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

  Victor Borge

  Funny, Christmas, Witty

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• Christmas is the day that holds all time together.

  Alexander Smith

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Christmas, Sarcastic

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• Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

  Kin Hubbard

  Christmas, Children, Mean

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• There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

  Bob Phillips

  Funny, Christmas, Dad

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• Love the giver more than the gift.

  Brigham Young

  Love, Christmas, Meaningful

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• A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

  Garrison Keillor

  Love, Funny, Christmas

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.

  Karolyn Grimes

  Movie, Christmas, Angel

  "Fire In Belltown, USA Destroys Last Bell Factory". Interview with Renee Montagne, www.npr.org. May 31, 2012.

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• To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

  Phillip Adams

  Inspirational, Funny, Travel

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• A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Retirement, Work, Holiday

  Misalliance preface (1914)

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• Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Tolerance

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• To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Children

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• There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

  P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

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• I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

  Kylie Minogue

  Travel, Funny Christmas, Holiday

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• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

  Andy Rooney

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

  Dave Barry

  Christmas, Religious, Holiday

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• That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Christmas, People

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