Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
Man has will, but woman has her way.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
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